SATIRE: McKnight, a first year Master’s student in the School of Engineering, came to this conclusion amid a month-long hangover that resulted from eight semesters of continuous binge drinking.
SATIRE: While the choice of the word “midterm” was not in and of itself problematic, the way it was defined hurt the feelings of several Stanford midterms — just ask CHEM 31
SATIRE: While still awaiting FDA approval, the arms have punctured the correct vein with at least 70% accuracy on gelatin models of human arms, making them “probably fine on real people,” according to the Office of the Vice Provost for Technology and Learning (VPTL).
SATIRE: It’s that time of year again when U.S. News & World Report gives everyone the chance to prove they’re better than their high school friends by ranking the best universities in the country — a score internal whistleblowers recently revealed is calculated primarily by how far alumni can piss.
SATIRE: An expert witness accused RPM of using the same marketing tactics as Big Solvent companies during the middle school glue-sniffing epidemic of the 1990’s.
SATIRE: “Stanford has been ignoring the words of God for too long,” religious studies professor Jessie Chriest said. “Unfortunately, this institution must pay for what it has done.”
SATIRE: One assistant claimed that the lack of a Notes from the Quad post from Persis Drell meant that not enough controversy had been stirred up to make the trip worth it.
SATIRE: McPat’s request is a part of a larger feature of FERPA that allows students at elite universities all over the country to relive the sweet ecstasy of getting into their top school.