I live in Burbank, Stern. I miraculously escaped norovirus and all the yakking that comes with the package. I escaped the flu and the muscle aches that it entails. I did not, however, escape the 100+ degree (and fluctuating) fever I currently have while writing this article. From the beginning of New Student Orientation, I…
SATIRE: “Stanford has been ignoring the words of God for too long,” religious studies professor Jessie Chriest said. “Unfortunately, this institution must pay for what it has done.”
SATIRE: The theme has inspired a bunch of other strange acts like making marriage pacts with norovirus and drenching suits, tuxedos and dresses in vats of liquified norovirus. One frosh even legally changed his name to Alligot Iza Winterbug.
SATIRE: You may have heard of Hot Girl Summer, but how about Frosh Flue Fall? Just ask some Stanford freshmen.
SATIRE: In the preseason, norovirus infected Burbank, and since then, the team has defeated dorm after dorm in Stern Hall.
SATIRE: The official rules state that at the beginning of the week, the dorm with the largest number of noro-infected students (latest polls indicate Burbank) will be declared the initial carrier of the Cheese Touch.
SATIRE: Due to the recent outbreak of norovirus in the remote parts of the east campus, the U.S. Department of State strongly encourages travelers to avoid the area.
The Santa Clara County Public Health Department has officially completed its investigation on the cause of the gastrointestinal illness that afflicted students in Florence Moore Hall (FloMo) late October.