Stanford 20, Cal 23
I want Stanford to win as much as the next person, but unfortunately, I already know exactly how this game is going to play out. Step one: Stanford comes out of the tunnel and plays abysmal offense with their flawed offensive line, as they try to run Bryce Love 20 times before the half. They pick up three first downs and are shut out in the first half. Step two: Our lack of a pass rush makes Chase Garbers look like Aaron Rodgers; he carves us up to the tune of two touchdowns and three field goals. Step three: Trailing 0-23 at the half, KJ Costello will emerge from the tunnel like the second coming of Andrew Luck and lead the most immaculate comeback attempt in Big Game history. It will be breathtaking. Step four: Lance Anderson’s halftime wizardry solves all of the defense’s problems and they shut out Cal in the second half. Step five: The comeback falls just short for any number of reasons. Unfortunately, this has been the script of every Stanford performance, and we already used up our miracle in Oregon.