With the staff selection process currently underway, I, like any upperclassman stuck with a tier-three draw, decided to apply to staff as an RA to avoid living in Trancos.
SATIRE: According to Vaden, the flu is “the body’s natural reaction to trying to visualize linear combinations happening in multi-dimensional planes.”
SATIRE: Writer Ruslan Al-Jabari tried infiltrating big tech after he didn't get an internship
SATIRE: I was shocked when I picked up the note saying my bike was stolen. “We are sorry, but it seems like your bike ran away after it was possessed by the dorm demons. Signed Sincerely, R&DE Staff.”
SATIRE: Like most students, I missed home cooking and was excited to go back. Unlike most students, however, weird things started happening.
SATIRE: After abruptly interrupting the on-call, I was chased by my RA and two other frosh wearing masks that had a picture of what looked like a Persis Drell-Dementor hybrid.
SATIRE: The theme has inspired a bunch of other strange acts like making marriage pacts with norovirus and drenching suits, tuxedos and dresses in vats of liquified norovirus. One frosh even legally changed his name to Alligot Iza Winterbug.