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Patrick Monreal
Patrick Monreal '22 is the satire editor for Vol. 256, but also occasionally contributes to the news section. A native of Fresno, California, he is interested in studying the natural sciences, public policy and the intersection of the two, especially when it comes to environmental issues. Contact him at pmonreal 'at'

New students avoid ‘freshman 15’ by trying out Malibu cleanse

You may have heard of trends like the paleo or keto diet, but the latest health fad captivating the nation actually originates here, inside the dorms at Stanford. Even though the Farm is globally recognized as a hub of innovation and genius, nobody could have predicted what health experts are now coining the “Stanford Malibu…

Tracking bricks at Eurotrash

SATIRE: Most bricks at and around KSig remained stationary throughout Friday evening. However, there was one such brick — perhaps on its own accord — that changed position to that of a police officer’s.

ResX unveils new iPhone RA Plus at annual media event

The whole world stopped on Tuesday afternoon when ResX Chief Executive Officer (CEO) Susie Brubaker-Cole — dressed in a black turtleneck and jeans — presented at the company’s annual media conference. The highlight of the event was the reveal of the next generation of technology: the iPhone RA Plus. “Every once in a while, a…

After being snubbed by Billboard, Lil Nas X wins Nobel Prize

Exciting news broke in Sweden over the weekend, as the Royal Swedish Academy announced that Montero Lamar Hill, professionally known as Lil Nas X, had won the Nobel Prize in literature for his smash hit “Old Town Road.” “From the sensational rhythm to the catchy lyrics, Lil Nas X has produced one of the greatest…

Netflix renews ‘Real Housewives of the ASSU’

Just as election season kicks into gear, Netflix announced the acquisition of “The Real Housewives of the ASSU” from Bravo. The announcement comes just one week after the network canceled the series due to poor ratings. Netflix also has plans for a spin-off soap opera focused on the Graduate Student Council, titled, “All My Graduates.”…

Marguerite to become complex system of high-speed rails

Does campus feel too big? Ever want to go to a FroSoCo party but feel its too far? In an effort to revamp campus transportation, the Board of Trustees announced an initiative to transform the current Marguerite shuttle system into a high-speed railway — modeled after the State of California’s proposal.

Coupa to open 14th location inside Hewlett 200

Coupa Café announced an additional location in a Facebook post on Thursday evening. Starting spring quarter, the family-owned coffee business will be operating a kiosk on the other side of Hewlett 200’s revolving stage, securing its monopoly over caffeinated beverages at Stanford. “Hewlett 200 seats thousands of students each and every day,” said owner Jean…
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