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Patrick Monreal
Patrick Monreal '22 is the forefather of the satire section. He still kind of hangs around meetings and pretends to contribute to news. A native of Fresno, California, he is majoring in Earth Systems on the oceans track and minoring in chemistry. Contact him at pmonreal 'at'

Skipping doctors, Stanford announces first round of vaccines to go to premed undergraduates enrolled in CHEM 33

According to a spokesperson, the decision was based on an algorithm that took into account various factors like exposure to patients, vulnerability to the virus, likeability, status in society and something Stanford Medicine described as “objective worth to us.” Premed students are the future doctors, thus it makes sense to ensure their safety first.

Chemistry dept. amends weekly exam requiring students to juggle beakers on camera while reciting the periodic table from memory

After receiving complaints about their unrealistic testing policies, the Department of Chemistry responded by dropping the portion of their weekly exams that forced students to juggle beakers brimming with corrosive acid on camera while simultaneously reciting all 118 elements of the periodic table in order of their electronegativities.
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