SATIRE: McKnight, a first year Master’s student in the School of Engineering, came to this conclusion amid a month-long hangover that resulted from eight semesters of continuous binge drinking.

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SATIRE: Every year, homecoming weekend sees alumni instinctively swim upstream back to main campus, where they begin studying for midterms. The mechanism of the natural phenomenon is still being uncovered by researchers.

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SATIRE: “We’d like to congratulate each of the 50 recipients who are now contractually obligated to name their firstborn child Arrillaga,” started the press release written by Provost Persis Drell.

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SATIRE: Sources report that Stanford has recently submitted a General Use Permit (GUP) application to the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors, asking for permission to allow the university to stage an overnight coup d'état of the entire county.

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After an AlertSU about catalytic converter thefts was sent out to the Stanford community, it was revealed that the EPA was orchestrating these efforts to roll back the state's emissions standards

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