Author: Prateek Joshi | The Stanford Daily

Prateek Joshi

Prateek, a former editor-in-chief of Brown University’s satirical newspaper (The Brown Noser), signed with the Stanford Daily’s satire section in free agency. Feel free to send him article suggestions and harsh criticism at pjoshi2 ‘at’ stanford.edu. When he’s not satirizing, he’s fervently searching for whoever had the nerve to claim the “pjoshi1” email username.

Satire

Lonely NASA scientists wish InSight rover would Skype home every now and then

SATIRE: Expressing their concern for the rover’s safety and well-being, NASA’s lonely scientists admitted Tuesday that they wished InSight would Skype home every now and then. The sophisticated machine, launched from Earth almost two years ago, has barely kept in touch with its home planet.

Prateek Joshi

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Apr 07 2020

Satire

Woods Institute finds 90% of ocean pollutants are messages in bottles en route to transatlantic lover

Released on Monday, the study shed new light on the previously unknown sources of ocean pollution.

Prateek Joshi

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Feb 03 2020

Satire

Berkeley develops earthquake warning app, giving each California resident just enough time to illegibly scribble will onto napkin

SATIRE: Previous versions of the warning system only gave a split-second heads up — leaving people only enough time to contemplate their legacy.

Prateek Joshi

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Jan 28 2020

Satire

Insecure horse feels like he doesn’t deserve spot in Stanford stable

SATIRE: “It’s pretty intimidating to gallop around this country club-esque campus when you know these are hallowed fields steeped in generations of equine achievement,” said Jigsaw the horse.

Prateek Joshi

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Jan 21 2020

Satire

New grad student realizes he was blacked out during entire undergrad experience

SATIRE: McKnight, a first year Master’s student in the School of Engineering, came to this conclusion amid a month-long hangover that resulted from eight semesters of continuous binge drinking.

Prateek Joshi

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Nov 15 2019

Satire

New Uni policy on sexual assault involves listening more empathetically before eventually dictating how survivors tell their story

SATIRE: “We apologize for our mishandling of Ms. Miller’s request and are thus implementing a new policy that requires the University to listen patiently and intently to a survivor even though we know we’ll eventually censor them,” read an email from the Board of Trustees.

Prateek Joshi

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Nov 06 2019

Satire

Hordes of alumni instinctively swim upstream to campus, frantically study for midterms during annual reunion weekend phenomenon

SATIRE: Every year, homecoming weekend sees alumni instinctively swim upstream back to main campus, where they begin studying for midterms. The mechanism of the natural phenomenon is still being uncovered by researchers.

Prateek Joshi

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Oct 29 2019

Satire

New Arrillaga Fellowship requires each recipient to name firstborn child Arrillaga

SATIRE: “We’d like to congratulate each of the 50 recipients who are now contractually obligated to name their firstborn child Arrillaga,” started the press release written by Provost Persis Drell.

Prateek Joshi

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Oct 14 2019

Satire

Stanford seeking permit to stage overnight coup of Santa Clara County

SATIRE: Sources report that Stanford has recently submitted a General Use Permit (GUP) application to the Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors, asking for permission to allow the university to stage an overnight coup d'état of the entire county.

Prateek Joshi

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Oct 08 2019

Satire

EPA administrator caught stealing catalytic converters from campus Priuses in latest attempt to roll back California’s vehicle emission standards

After an AlertSU about catalytic converter thefts was sent out to the Stanford community, it was revealed that the EPA was orchestrating these efforts to roll back the state's emissions standards

Prateek Joshi

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Oct 03 2019