New research involving genetic analysis of DNA samples shows that Native American and Polynesian populations made contact and interbred around 1200 CE. The study, led by Stanford Medical School postdoctoral research fellow Alexander Ioannidis, was published recently in Nature.

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SATIRE: Postmaster General Louis DeJoy has been fired and will be replaced by Escargot DeFast, a garden snail President Donald Trump found on the White House lawns, the Press Secretary announced today. DeJoy, who held office for just under a month, has been fired due to his far too efficient operation of the post office.

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Last week, students across campus participated in a week of action titled, Step Up or Step Down. Activists took part in five days of protests calling for the departmentalization of African and African-American Studies (AAAS) and the abolishment of the Stanford University Department of Public Safety (SUDPS) among several other demands.

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SATIRE: Music publisher Warner Chappell Music is suing people who sing ‘Happy Birthday To You’ while washing their hands for copyright infringement, the company announced on July 24. Many people have been following CDC recommendations by singing ‘Happy Birthday To You’ twice while washing their hands to make sure they wash for at least 20 seconds.

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President Donald Trump will pardon Ethel and Julius Rosenberg posthumously, the White House announced today. The Rosenbergs were convicted of providing top secret information about US technology and nuclear weapon designs to the Soviets, and were executed in 1953 for their crimes. Now, Trump’s Administration claims they were actually innocent.

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A new paper written by Stanford affiliates looks into the science behind the presymptomatic and asymptomatic transmission of COVID-19. In it, Christina Savvides ’19 MS ’21 and professor Robert Siegel explain that they found shortcomings in the existing studies on the issue, and emphasize the need for studies that can provide a more definitive answer on whether or not these kinds of transmissions take place.

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