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Trump declares Karen History Month, calls them “true Americans”

Satire by and

In response to the Black Lives Matter movement, President Donald Trump released a statement via Twitter declaring that Black History Month will be renamed Karen History Month. The month of February will now honor Karens that refused to wear masks while shopping indoors. 

“Karens are true Americans, and I would know. There is nobody more patriotic than me, your favorite President! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸” he tweeted on Sunday.

Trump went on to say that because three murals were painted in honor of the Black Lives Matter movement, racism has been eradicated.

“I think I have solved racism — it does not exist anymore. In fact, I don’t even see color,” Trump said in an interview with Fox News. “I’m even friends with Kanye West. I think I am the best president in America’s history; everyone agrees.”

Support came in through Twitter, where Karens nationwide responded to the order with gratitude. One Karen wrote, “All my life I’ve felt discriminated against. Karen is a racial slur, and we must rise above it. It is racist to discriminate against someone because of their actions.”

In response to concerns that his decision is erasing the celebration of Black History, Trump tweeted “White history matters too. White people die too. ALL LIVES MATTER.”

Despite some backlash from New York and California, the decision was met with overwhelming support from middle-aged White suburban housewives, who celebrated with a COVID-19 party. One of these women, Karen, has faced discrimination due to her name, including not getting a refund on her half-eaten meal. She was outraged at this racial bias and felt supported by President Trump’s decision.

Karen declined to comment, calling The Stanford Daily “fake news,” and instead asked to speak to the manager.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Martha Fishburne at martha.fishburne ‘at’ gmail.com and Sonali Muthukrishnan at sonali.muthukrishnan ‘at’ gmail.com.

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Martha Fishburne is a high schooler writing for The Daily's Summer Journalism Workshop.
Sonali Muthukrishnan is a high schooler writing as part of The Daily's Summer Journalism Workshop.