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Biden announces life-size Obama cutout as running mate

Satire by

As the 2020 general election approaches, Democratic Nominee Joe Biden has taken action to strengthen his presidential bid, choosing a life-size cardboard cutout of former President Barack Obama as his running mate.

Having previously promised a woman for his VP pick, Biden’s decision has garnered controversy. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted, “Not only must we overcome metaphorical objectification to have our voices heard, but we now also need to overcome the literal objectification of political offices to gain representation.”

Trump has also denounced Biden’s pick as expected, fueling a birther conspiracy. At his most recent campaign rally, he stated “We now know Obama was probably born in the United States, but what about this piece of paper? Just looking at it, you know it’s made in China! Until it shows us its manufacturing label, we can’t be sure it’s American!”

Additionally, some are dissatisfied with Biden’s VP pick because, as an inanimate object, the Obama cutout is unable to fulfill any of the duties of the vice president.

Biden has stuck to his choice despite criticism. Due to the strong adhesive on the cutout’s back side, Biden has been unable to detach his hand from the cutout since giving it a pat on the back after its unveiling (pictured above). Although the Obama cutout is decidedly more progressive, Biden and his running mate already seem inseparable.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Om Jahagirdar at ojahagir ‘at’ stanford.edu.

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