Satire by Kirsten Mettler
Carl James ’23 is greatly disturbed that Green Library is, actually, not green in color. It’s more of a brownish yellow. Starting last Monday, James has been camping out in front of the iconic library, all by himself, protesting what he believes to be a great clarity issue. Occasionally, he has been marching around with homemade posters.
“Why is a library named ‘Green’ when it’s really more of a beige?” James asked The Daily. “Last week, I was supposed to meet my writing and rhetoric class at Green Library, and I missed class because I was so confused. Google Maps kept taking me to this odd brown building, and I was like, ‘Well, that can’t be right.’”
Daily staffers explained to James that “Green Library” is actually short for Cecil H. Green Library, named for the late engineer and philanthropist. Green founded Texas Instruments and accumulated great wealth, much of which he donated to universities like Stanford. James was not convinced.
“He sounds like a great man. I’m not saying we have to rename the building,” James explained. “Let’s just paint it green. That’s a win-win for everyone. I’ll paint it myself if I have to.”
If you are interested in supporting James’ efforts, he encourages you to join him outside of the library, though you do have to bring your own protest posters.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Kirsten Mettler at kmettler ‘at’ stanford.edu.