Satire by Richard Coca
Multiple witnesses reported that they saw the ghosts of two of the university’s co-founders at the Mausoleum on Friday. Both Leland and Jane Stanford were allegedly spotted at the all-campus hosted by the Sophomore Class Cabinet.
The annual party, this year named “GhostMAUSters,” started off as usual. Dozens of frosh lined up for free Cinnabons while a bunch of individuals in onesies and cat ears danced in a circle. According to the sophomore class presidents, the paranormal activity didn’t begin until much later. The first mention of an appearance occurred around 9:52 p.m. when a frosh tipped them off about “a ghost ruining the vibes.”
“At first, I thought I had one too many White Claws,” an anonymous frosh noted. “But then, this woman kept complaining about how Jordan stole her university and she kept blabbing about how she was poisoned.”
Another freshman later reported seeing the ghost of a tall, “robber -baron-esque” man walking around Maus, asking if anyone had seen his son. The Daily received multiple reports of this individual mumbling, “He only had a slight fever.” Before sober reporters could get to the scene, however, other individuals noted that the former governor returned to his grave once “Thriller” started playing.
“I knew my mixing was getting better. I just didn’t know it was that good,” DJ Shy drafted in a Notes App statement. “Also if anyone wants to book me, hit me up with that good compensation!”
Volunteers, who had to clean up, noted that Jane Stanford refused to go back to her grave until someone mentioned that she had her own street. No sightings of Leland Stanford Jr. were noted as it appears he flaked on the party at his own mausoleum.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.