Satire by Om Jahagirdar
This article is part of a collection of norovirus satire amid the outbreak in freshman dorms.
You may remember Hot Girl Summer, the social media trend started by Megan Thee Stallion. However, a new trend has been sweeping across Stanford. A new lab funded jointly by The Daily Mail and Vaden Health Center recently published a paper showing that a new trend, Frosh Flu Fall, has surpassed Hot Girl Summer in participants on the Stanford campus.
Frosh Flu Fall is the new viral social media trend where Stanford freshmen take turns puking their guts out — and then ask DAHA vomit kit in their dorm’s GroupMe. The trend started in all-frosh dorms such as Stern and quickly spread across nearly all of campus within a week.
“All my friends only study and play board games,” complained one FroSoCo resident. “We’re so far away from other dorms that we’re probably never gonna catch the flu. No wonder people don’t think we’re cool.”
Just as Hot Girl Summer has empowered women to embrace their bodies and increase their self confidence, Frosh Flu Fall has empowered upperclassmen.
“I’ve always tried to steer clear of the frosh since they’re all weirdos,” said upperclassman Emma Jirk, “but Frosh Flu Fall has given me a more socially acceptable reason to avoid them!”
Frosh have been empowered as well.
“All I need to do is say that I have norovirus,” said frosh Fley Kher, “and everyone tells me to get away from them! I haven’t had to attend any of my classes or club meetings for an entire week!”
Although this phenomena may have also contributed to the annual resurgence of Frosh Flake Fall, Frosh Flu Fall remains much more fashionable.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Om Jahagirdar at ojahagir ‘at’ stanford.edu.