I have this friend who has this theory.

It is as follows. Many people believe that generally, unattractive people are very interesting, because they have to be to compete socially and sexually. This theory is concerned with the inverse—namely, that being very physically attractive means you’re uninteresting.

“Because really attractive people get whatever they want without having to try at all.” The upshot of this is that because women, on the whole, are more attractive than men, women are the less-interesting sex.

Actually, I have a few friends who have independently arrived at this theory. They’re all tall slim CS majors, and most likely think of themselves as “interesting.”

But according to my own theory (of Interest and Attraction), people are driven to do interesting things by internal pressures as well as external ones. Even if it didn’t yield great stories that would likely get me laid, given the opportunity, I’d still rather backpack Tierra del Fuego than spend the summer watching TV. And I think it’d be easier to traipse the globe and have adventures for Beautiful People because people often want to help them out. They get invited to the best parties, they’re given the best things and they have sex with the most Interesting People (who must, by the original theory, be coping very well).

So where are all the uninteresting beautiful people coming from?

Because my friends’ theory seems to be epistemically motivated. When I say, “Well, you at least have to be interesting to yourself,” they say, “Uh…” and when I say, “You don’t think some of these people lead rich internal lives?” they say, “Have you ever <I>heard<P> two very attractive women talk to one another?” They’ve got evidence to which to point.

Obviously at some point (often here) I say, “Wait a minute. On behalf of very attractive women everywhere—“My tongue pretty firmly in my cheek, but still. There is only so far you can present a dualistic view of a race or gender before you start wondering into which category you fall.

Then they say, “That’s different.”

Then I get to hear them affect an airy, high pitched voice, twirl their imaginary locks, and say something about their “new lip gloss.” Or “Twilight.”

“Not everybody attractive talks like that.”

“The very attractive ones do.”

I probe further and realize that, “very attractive,” means somebody who spends all of his or her free time not travelling nor reading nor learning to play the oud, but instead putting on makeup, buying clothes that flatter his or her body and working out at the gym. In light of this, the fact that these people are not at all interesting is not at all interesting. It’s entailed in the terminology.

Anyways, the spiel usually ends (remember the gender-issue here) with a call to arms. To castigate very attractive women for uninteresting conversations, because they won’t talk to the theorist often enough for him to have an impact. I tell them that if somebody starts talking about “Gossip Girl” or hair product, I leave.

They usually thank me for that.

Interesting and attractive? Let’s talk! E-mail Rosie at [email protected].