What do Hannibal Lecter, 18th century militias and astronauts have to do with the Stanford baseball team scoring runs? If you ask some guys on the team, they’ll tell you their offense would be nothing without them.

Behind nearly every Cardinal rally this season are 20 some-odd guys in the dugout who resemble more a third grade drama class than a premier collegiate baseball team.

For as long as any of the players can remember, Stanford has had a series of rally starters performed by players on the bench to help spur some offense.

Rally Hat Guy. Out of all the rallies, rally hat guy is probably the most visible — just look for the tall stack of hats poking out from the dugout. Here are the basics: In the sixth inning of most games, the bench will designate one player to be the “hat guy.” The only real qualification to be the hat guy is lack of height — 5-foot-10 sophomore Jack Mosbacher and 5-foot-8 junior Dave Giuliani are perennial favorites.

Once the hat guy is selected, each base that a Cardinal hitter or base runner advances is one more hat added to the top of the hat guy’s head. So let’s say Stanford leads off the inning with a double (2), a successful sacrifice bunt (1) and an RBI single (2). All of sudden, Mosbacher has six hats piled on top of his head.

Rally Militia. While Rally Hat Guy will be broken out during most games, Rally Militia is saved for only crucial situations. Down one in the bottom of the ninth? Tie game in extra innings? Look for the Stanford dugout to turn into the Continental Army.

Players will grab spare bats and form two rows, with the first row kneeling and the second standing. Before each pitch, the players — excuse me, soldiers — will pretend to load an old-time rifle. On the commander’s orders, the ragtag militia will raise their aluminum bat guns and fire at the pitcher right as he’s delivering the pitch.

Rally Hannibal Lecter. Though not as team-oriented as Rally Militia, Rally Hannibal Lecter is just as creative. Erik Davis, the former Stanford ace and current pitcher in the San Diego Padres’ organization, gave the most chilling Anthony Hopkins performance. During the bottom of the fifth inning at home games, Davis would grab a spare catcher’s mask, a jacket and a rake and head to the end of the dugout.

He would stand upright with his back against the rake, put the mask on his head and wear his jacket backwards, resembling a scary old man in a straight jacket. No one was allowed to talk to Hannibal until after the inning was over.

Rally Profile. Unlike the previous rallies, Rally Profile does not have any definitive rules on when it can be used. Think of it as the utility man of rallies.

Players in the dugout line up in a single-file line with their shoulders perpendicular to the first base line (with only the profiles of their faces visible to the pitcher, hence the name). The person at the front of the line is “up.” If anything bad happens, such as a strike or an out, that player goes to the end of the line, and the next person in line is now up. If something positive happens, such as a ball or a hit, that player stays at the front of the line until something negative happens.

Stanford has even more rallies it will break out from time to time. Rally Spaceman involves all the players turning their jackets inside out, revealing the shiny, futuristic inner lining. During Rally Heat Stroke, which only occurs during the hottest days of the year, one player puts on one more jacket every half-inning until he looks like a (very sweaty) marshmallow.

Perhaps the funniest thing about the rallies is how they seemingly contradict head coach Mark Marquess’ baseball philosophy. Marquess is a control freak, regulating every little aspect of players’ lives (they can’t have facial hair, for example), but he is completely fine with letting his team act like clowns in the dugout.

Players can remember only one time when the coach shut down a rally. You probably don’t want to know what they were doing.
Mike Lazarus is trying out for the baseball team as a “rally specialist.” Wish him luck at [email protected].ꆱ