OPINIONS

Choose your own adventure: Election edition

By Tuesday night, you might be having a lot of feelings. Election results will be rolling in, and unless you’re hiding under a blanket in your room with music blasting and an eye mask on (so specific because I have considered it), the major news networks will find you. They will find you and they will yell things at you. There will be lots of charts and graphs and numbers and pointing at papers and saying, “See here, this will happen,” and then it won’t actually happen! Oh my gosh, my heart rate.

I must admit that I look forward to it, despite all the absurdity and words between the actual results. But at the moment we find out who our president will be for the next four years, it might be hard to digest everything that just happened and begin human interactions. Coming back down to Earth from Election Land can be a bit of a shock, but I’m here to help.

Especially if your choice of presidential candidate is not elected, it may be difficult to believe that everything will be okay. Simply insert an appropriate word into each parenthesis in the paragraph below, and your post-election processing will have begun. All it needs is a corresponding graphic.

“I am so torn up about (victorious candidate) winning. Gosh, when he gave that speech in (swing state) the other day, he only got to hold up (large number) babies from the audience; I just didn’t think that would be enough babies. Between the (stupid gaffe), and the (innocuous gaffe), and the (most horrendous gaffe that revealed his actual beliefs), I couldn’t tell if people would vote for him. But they did. And here we are. I’m a reasonable person so I won’t tell people I’m moving to (foreign country) because of these results. I’m just going to have to listen to (victorious candidate’s) bad ideas and occasional insights, and fight for what I believe in. There are always local politics to rely on. Man, I’m so reflective and reasonable. I’ll probably only cry a little bit.”

Learn about the propositions and candidates in your area, and go vote!

After Tuesday, you’ll only get to hear that at the end of television talent contests.

Contact Annie at aegraham@stanford.edu

About Annie Graham

Annie Graham is a junior from Phoenix, Arizona majoring in English. She is a member of the women’s club soccer team, a founding member of Stanford Athletes and Allies Together, a farming SPOT leader, and she tries to call her grandparents often.
Advertisment ad adsense adlogger