TRUE LIFE: I have an eating disorder

March 5, 2010, 12:59 a.m.

The final part in a series of two

Eating disorders are not just a woman thing.

“We see more and more men every year,” said Dr. Naomi Brown, a psychologist with Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). “For men, it is often about the need to buff up, steroid abuse, over-exercising and weight lifting. We also see anorexia and bulimia in males.”

For John, a Stanford student whose name has been changed to protect his identity, his fight with body image and eating disorders included both anorexia and over-exercising. When he looked in the mirror, he saw cheeks, and contemplated ways of how to get rid of them.

By the 11th grade, he was eating less and less with one goal in mind: weight loss. He drastically changed his diet, eating only certain protein and salad.

John, who was on the tennis team at the time, said that his coach and his mother both noticed and tried to force him to eat.

“I exercised more than I ate in high school,” he said. “Freshman year of college, I had one meal a day and it was basically chicken or salad.”

By the end of his freshman year at Stanford, he had dropped from 165 to 128 pounds.

“My mother was seriously worried,” John said. “I used to wear baggy clothes freshman year, so the kids in the dorm didn’t notice me lose the weight. I had stopped going to the gym.”

His mother consulted a nutritionist, but he refused to listen. Yet it wasn’t until John realized how weak he was while weight lifting that he began to change his outlook.

“I got more into looking buff,” he said. “But when I went to the gym, I figured out I couldn’t do anything.”

In a dramatic turn of events, John returned to more normal eating habits and now looks physically healthy. But he still pays much attention to his diet and exercise.

“I still try to avoid eating sugar or carbs if I am not working out that day,” he said. “This month, I have just been going to the gym once or twice, so I have had no reason to eat. In general, I eat a lot and I go to the gym a lot.”

John still hasn’t talked to a professional about his eating disorder, explaining that he’s never felt the need to.

“I only eat as much as I need to,” he said. “I don’t want to eat more because I don’t have any reason to eat more. I don’t like food.”

”Jenny”

For another Stanford student, anorexia began as just a game with a friend.

“My friend and I thought it would be cool to lose a few pounds,” said Jenny, a Stanford student whose name has been changed to protect her identity. “And then I stopped eating. It happened really quickly. Before I even knew it, I had a full-blown eating disorder.”

Jenny talked to someone professionally about her issues for a few weeks, but cut off counseling when she thought it wasn’t working for her.

She went from 115 to 90 pounds in a period of six months.

“I was struggling to have energy to do work,” she said. “My body couldn’t take it anymore. Eating 800, 600, 400 calories is hard. Then I hit that breaking point where my life was pretty miserable.”

“I didn’t need the psychological shackles that come with having an eating disorder, and I started eating more,” she added.

With support from her friends, she began to eat more, eventually returning to her original figure. This again made her struggle with her body image.

“I had support from a really great boyfriend,” she said. “And my close friends helped me feel good about myself. They made me realize that being worried about five or 10 pounds didn’t matter.”

Taking Action

“It is never a good time to approach someone with a raging eating disorder,” Brown said. “But it is always a good thing to ask a friend how they are doing. The safest thing to do is to talk about behaviors, including their appearance.”

Denial is one of the greatest barriers to getting someone help or to getting an accurate tally on eating disorder statistics at Stanford.

“There are bulimia clubs at Stanford, there are anorexia clubs at Stanford,” Brown said. “But we do not have any statistics on these issues because the first stage of an eating disorder is denial.”

If you know someone who is potentially suffering from an eating disorder, doctors at Vaden recommend that you let that person know that they have your support. You can then ask if they are willing to go in to Vaden.

“We want to put out the message that seeking help is proactive,” Brown added. “Everyone needs help from time to time because we’re human and life is challenging.”

For Janelle Leatherwood ’10, who spent years struggling with an eating disorder, the challenge of overcoming body issues isn’t a simple fix. It’s a daily trial.

“There is no going back,” Leatherwood said. “It defines a huge part of my life. It changes how I think about things. I can have a bad day just because I feel fat, but I have to keep operating in the world. I have to deal.”

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