SATIRE: Instead of choosing between Math 51 and CS 106A, frosh now have to decide by the end of Week 5 on Axess which friends will just be “NSO friends,” and which they will put in the effort to make plans with for the rest of their time at Stanford.
SATIRE: In a recent bout of confusion, hordes of freshman turned up to the Education as Self-Fashioning (ESF) Plenary under the impression that Enchanted Broccoli Forest (EBF) was hosting a slightly-earlier-than-the-weekend rager 9:30 am at the CEMEX auditorium.
SATIRE: SCR has expressed concern that Shapiro may not be controversial enough to get the anarchical response they are looking for. Dinesh D’Souza came close last year, but all we got out of that was a stink bomb.
SATIRE: Stanford Alumni Association voted unanimously to contribute a portion of their Fall Quarter T-shirt sales to financing a second grand piano to be placed for display in Tresidder Lounge.
SATIRE: The frosh is doomed, so it seemed, to be trapped in a cage of their own making — a cage constructed of color-coded notebooks, thick glasses and introversion. That is, until Ronny Santanac went on his dorm’s traditional San Francisco scavenger hunt last weekend, and got a tattoo.
SATIRE: We at The Stanford Daily are proud to present an anonymous interview with the sole person in the Class of 2023 without imposter syndrome.
SATIRE: A strong immune system and stable blood pressure will be just some of the requirements for students planning on taking the demanding course.
SATIRE: “We’d like to congratulate each of the 50 recipients who are now contractually obligated to name their firstborn child Arrillaga,” started the press release written by Provost Persis Drell.