HUMOR: Simran Tandon delivers this week's horoscopes.
SATIRE: The first leg of the race is modeled after the walk that Biden took to reach the podium for his acceptance speech: half-jog, half-walk and all awkward.
Are you tired of normal depression? Is your regular sadness and melancholy getting you down? Does life seem even grayer and duller than usual? Are you looking for ways to spice up your aimless existence?
SATIRE: The Occasionally recommends that students be wary about which Stanford Missed Connections they are sharing their hottest takes and deepest secrets with.
SATIRE: Online learning has been scorned for being less engaging, less entertaining and more eye-straining than in-person learning. But for most frosh the worst part of these unprecedented circumstances has been the inability to make friends or find any kind of lasting social connection.