Figuring out what I want to do with my life is like trying to make out what’s playing on my grandma’s old antenna television during a blackout; it’s very fuzzy and constantly changing. Since I find it almost impossible to answer this question, I tend to avoid thinking about it. However, as I climb the ranks of upperclassmen-hood, that gets harder to do, since everyone wants to know what I have planned for the future.
Since coming back to campus, adjusting to the Stanford lifestyle hasn’t been always been easy. I thought it would like learning how to ride a bike again, you know, it comes right back to you just like that. However, what I failed to remember is how difficult it is — me especially — to ride a bike, and that it takes a little trial and error before you get going again. And of course, looking around at everyone whizzing past me and doing loops around the Circle of Death, I had to believe it was just me who was struggling to just stay on a bike.
We’re back! Can you believe it? I can’t, mainly because I don’t want to. I won’t lie, it’s only been a few days and it feels…different. I’ve heard it can be hard adjusting to life back on campus after being away, like going home for the first time after leaving for college. Even though I’m here, I still don’t feel like I’m here. Maybe it’s because I’m starting school for the first time the second time this year, or maybe it is because it is, well, winter quarter.
Can you see it? The light at the end of the tunnel, AKA winter break, AKA the end of finals and our first chance to breathe that wonderful sigh of relief that comes with closing out one of the more hectic quarters of the year. I can, and I have never been more thankful to flip to the final month in my calendar, December.
It’s an interesting thought — especially considering it comes from the football coach — and I would have to agree. While there are so many people doing amazing things all over our campus, there is more than one thing that we should focus on. Stanford just likes to win. We want to be best in everything.
The saying goes, “Patience is a virtue,” and for the most part, I have considered myself an exemplar of that. I’m not in a hurry to become an adult (though I feel like an old lady at times), I can stand waiting for the return of “True Blood” and I rarely feel the need to rush anywhere (much to the chagrin of anyone I’m meeting).
So what am I missing? If I’ve been in my 20s for the last five years, what happens when I actually turn 21? When I’m 25, will I have a midlife crisis like a 40-year-old? When I’m 30, does that mean I’ll be an old maid ready to throw in the towel?
What happens when everything you do doesn’t work?
At school we’re taught all those cliches that tell us to keep trying, never give up and hop back on the horse even if we’ve fallen off every time we get on. However, what they don’t prepare us for is when all the above doesn’t hold true.