Satire by Michelle Fu
Stanford may be virtual, and students may be Zooming from their childhood bedrooms — but still, against all odds, feels still find a way to flourish.
Megan Xu ’24 first took note of her crush, graduate student Max Toussaint, as he responded to a question in her MATH 51 lecture.
“He was answering a question about linear subspaces,” Megan recalled with a dreamy look on her face. “I was online shopping, so I wasn’t really paying attention — but then I heard his voice. His face popped up on my screen, and it was love at first sight.”
Following the standard protocol for Zoom crushes, Megan immediately pinned his video and proceeded to stare at him for the rest of class.
“The next thing I thought,” Megan said, “was, ‘How can I get him to notice me?’ I couldn’t find his Instagram, and his Facebook hadn’t been updated since 2018. That’s when I realized: the Zoom chat.”
By sending messages to the group such as “Max, what happens when you combine vector u and i?” and “wow, Max is really good at math, I wonder what else he’s good at ;)” and finally, “Max, I only come to this class for you,” Megan hoped to make her affections clear.
When approached for comment, Max seemed confused.
“Megan Xu? Sorry, no idea who that is.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Michelle Fu at mifu67 ‘at’ stanford.edu.