Satire by Andy Diaz
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made a shocking move Tuesday evening, addressing the House with what she proposed was the best way to connect with constituents during the coronavirus pandemic: Animal Crossing.
Ocasio-Cortez has gone on record before stating her approval for the new gaming platform and has even gone so far as to visit the “islands” of her supporters in an attempt to find new ways to “see” them during the era of social distancing.
What started out as a few island visits quickly grew to a serious method of interacting with constituents, to the point where the congresswoman was holding town halls on islands and hosting graduations on Animal Crossing. So while the congresswoman’s decisions to utilize this route was seen as insignificant in the beginning, her latest move shocked members of Congress.
For the past two months, Ocasio-Cortez had been meeting with members of Congress individually, beginning with fellow Rep. Ayanna Pressley, to garner support for her new approach to governing. On July 21, she brought forth a bill that would transition all formal routes of voting, meeting and congressional hearings to a 100% virtual set-up which she claimed “is for the betterment of all of us. I’ve heard only positive feedback from my constituents, so I wonder why we can’t continue this for all of our constituents?”
Congressional pushback came from members of the Republican Party. However, what came as a massive shock, was that there were several Republican members who sided with the Ocasio-Cortez.
In the image above, Sen. Mitch McConnell was photographed alongside Ocasio-Cortez in a clown suit after pledging he would fight to get her bill passed in the Senate.
“I’ve never agreed with the Congresswoman,” he said. “Never. What she has done to this country is messy, and not good for Americans. This recent move is something I would never have expected to support. However, we’ve got a lot of immunocompromised members of congress. That comes with age, and a lot of them are looking for a new way to work. I believe if everything goes right, this could be a big move in the right direction.”
After passing on the house floor in an almost unanimous vote, the bill was sent to the Senate where it is expected to pass by the end of the month. When asked about this move from the congresswoman, Sen. Bernie Sanders commented, “I think she had a stroke of genius. I think this is an exceptional way to move us forward, and connect with the youth. The youth are the future. Ya see?”
Members of Congress are expected to start distributing Nintendo Switches to each household in their district with Animal Crossing pre-downloaded. While the federal budget for education took a massive cut, American households will finally be able to meet with their representatives from the safety of their homes, and with the fun of customizing their islands.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Andy Diaz at [email protected]