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Anti-maskers disagree with nudists over covering up

Satire by

A group of anti-maskers recently protested a nudist colony policy that enforced mask wearing. Jacob Weiner, leader of the nudist colony, released a letter last Sunday saying that, while most clothes are optional for colony guests, masks are required, and he recommends gloves or hand sanitizer for anyone touching communal objects. 

So far the colony has had no cases of COVID-19, and Weiner plans for them to stay unexposed to the virus.

“We have a strong community here that will stand for our beliefs that everyone must wear a mask,” he said. “It is just common sense.”

The anti-mask protestors have been harassing groups who support mask-wearing on the grounds of freedom of speech. Weiner and his fellow nudist are the first group to resist these protests. 

The anti-maskers, who did not reply to our request for comment, gathered quite an audience as they marched through the quiet town. The locals, most of whom are proud members of the colony, were disturbed by the vulgar and uncouth actions of the protestors. 

“It was disturbing,” said Weiner. “They arrived here intending to destroy the natural order of things in our community. They were yelling, demanding to speak with our manager, insulting the community, and I felt exposed.” 

The local police arrived on the scene soon after tensions rose. The officers waited, armed until the standoff between the two groups dissipated. Officer Greenwood, who had been called in by the altercation, told The Daily, “This was not the hardest day on the job.”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Rae Wymer at raewymer ‘at’ gmail.com.

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Rae Wymer is a high schooler writing as part of The Daily's Summer Journalism Workshop.