Satire by Jenna Ruzekowicz
Yesterday evening Joe Biden took to Twitter to announce his 2020 running mate. After Bernie Sanders’ recent divergence from the race, Democrats have been wondering which woman Joe would pick to become his running mate and, additionally, how many he would have to ask before one said yes. However, Twitter users became shocked as #acompletesentence became the No. 1 trending hashtag across the U.S. last night.
Around an hour after the announcement was made, a socially distant interview was conducted by CNN in which Biden was quoted saying, “My team and I … Obama too … this will make a round ticket. Also we need to stop this, this yeah. I think back in the day, my father used to tell me.”
The head of Biden’s press team then took over, clarifying that the team thought “adding A Complete Sentence onto the ticket would help fill in some of the gaps in Biden’s abilities.”
Biden then retook the stage in an attempt to finish his previous sentence, saying, “… my father and I had some great times back in the day but … Thank you all for coming.”
The nominated candidate claimed that they were “honored, humbled and surprised by the choice.” While the DNC supports the decision, voters, on the other hand, are wary. A Santa Clara County Democrat was quoted saying, “If they get to be on the debate stage with Biden, great. If not, we’re still screwed.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Jenna Ruzekowicz at jruzekow ‘at’ stanford.edu.