Satire by Richard Coca
Students were immersed in a weather anomaly last Saturday night when a frat party-related fog system appeared to take over the campus. With air quality visibly declining Saturday, the University urged students to stay in-doors studying rather than partying, according to an AlertSU sent out that day.
Scientists at the School of Earth, Energy and Environmental Sciences tracked down the fog system to the Row, where multiple parties led to the formation of the weather system. Senior Fellow Noah Diffenbaugh noted the rarity of this extreme weather event.
“In order for the fog to have gotten that out of hand, not only did it have to be extremely humid, but way too many sweaty people would have had to be crammed in a room to generate that much moisture in the cold,” he said.
Multiple students reported to The Daily that it made navigating the large campus even more difficult.
“I was looking for the 5-SURE on Foot table and somehow ended up at The Axe and Palm,” said Muffy Stoisture ’23. “I’m now convinced that Stanford has too many roundabouts.”
Audrey Bellington ’20 had a different theory.
“We all know Stanford has a weather machine,” she said. “It’s the only reason why it’s always sunny for big events like Admit and Family Weekend. This is just the administration’s way to tell us to go study for midterms.”
The Woods Institute will reportedly continue monitoring the campus for more of these flash fog events. Current projections expect these weather anomalies to occur more frequently as Thirsty Thursday gains greater attendance over the quarter. Until then, students are advised to stay indoors and listen to lofi hip hop/chill beats to study/relax to.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.