Satire by Richard Coca
Incoming frosh were treated to a special guest appearance at Stanford’s 129th Opening Convocation Ceremony when Kanye West stormed the stage. Although campus security was on high alert throughout the event (the University is cracking down on stink bombs), it appears that Kanye West somehow joined the crowd and hid for enough time to repeat his infamous moment at the 2009 Video Music Awards.
West allegedly stole the microphone to promote his upcoming album. It happened just after University President Marc Tessier Lavigne had welcomed the class of 2023 to Stanford.
“Yo, Marc, I’m really excited for you, Imma let you finish,” he said. “But Imma need to you step aside so I can market this album.”
Kanye West promoted the release date and title for his upcoming ninth studio album, “Jesus Is King.” He also shamelessly plugged some openings in his marketing department.
“I know y’all are CS majors, but I don’t know. Maybe one of you can code some ads or something,” he added.
When asked why he crashed convocation, Kanye tweeted at The Daily saying, “Kim’s tweets can only go so far 😔”
Kim Kardashian quoted her husband’s tweet, “Thank you, Kanye. Very cool!”
It only took five minutes for the album to start trending on Twitter. Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid Richard Shaw was seen crying after West took the microphone away from the President.
“I just wanted to talk to the happy little trees,” he said. “But instead, Kanye got to party with trees, and I got stuck talking to the parents.”
Incoming frosh were also confused about what they witnessed in front of their eyes.
One frosh, identified by the presence of a red lanyard on their person, commented, “If I knew Kanye West was going to show up, I would have gone to UC Berkeley. Did you know they have a class on Frank Ocean?”
It is unclear whether Kanye West will face repercussions, but he has tweeted a screenshot of an apology to the University he wrote on the Notes app.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.