Satire by Patrick Monreal
Exciting news broke in Sweden over the weekend, as the Royal Swedish Academy announced that Montero Lamar Hill, professionally known as Lil Nas X, had won the Nobel Prize in literature for his smash hit “Old Town Road.”
“From the sensational rhythm to the catchy lyrics, Lil Nas X has produced one of the greatest pieces of this century,” the Academy said in a statement. “It really is a coming-of-age tale that powerfully speaks to all generations.”
The announcement comes weeks after Billboard booted “Old Town Road” from the Hot Country Songs chart. Billboard reportedly believed that the song did not embrace enough elements of today’s country music.
“To qualify as a country song, artists must make three references to Jesus, two references to drinking whiskey or beer and at least one mention of a breakup,” Billboard said. “‘Old Town Road’ unfortunately does not meet these requirements.”
Lil Nas X’s name will be etched in history with literary giants like Rudyard Kipling, George Bernard Shaw, William Faulkner, Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway and John Steinbeck. Nas X is not the first musician to win the prestigious prize, though; in 2016, Bob Dylan was also awarded the Nobel Prize in literature.
“In listening to his compositions, Lil Nas X comes off as almost a modern-day Bob Dylan,” the Academy said. “To us, the decision was a no-brainer.”
In addition to announcing Lil Nas X as the winner, the Swedish Academy released the runners-up to the prize. For their cover of “Africa” by Toto, Weezer topped the list. Other contenders included “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” author Jeff Kinney, rapper Tekashi69 and Stanford Daily writer Patrick Monreal.
Contact Patrick Monreal at pmonreal ‘at’ stanford.edu
Editor’s note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.