Constructing the memoir of your life can be a truly grueling process. The most crucial element to consider, of course, is the enticing title. The stakes are incredibly high  — with the wrong label, your entire life could be inaccurately represented. For widespread applicability, I have laid out options for some niche lifestyles.

For the foodie:

1. BuzzFeed, what kind of cheese am I?
2. What to expect when you’re expecting a food baby
3. DTF: Down to feast?
4. I’m eating fries in my parked car
5. I’m just here for the cake
6. I almost just ate something healthy
7. The art of consuming Domino’s pizza
8. And then they gave me an oatmeal raisin cookie…
9. Boba for the soul
10. Coffee and carbs: A delicacy like no other
11. How did I get food on my forehead, again?
12. I put too much Kraft parmesan on my spaghetti
13. Are you going to finish that?

For the risqué:

1. My memoir
2. I asked for a water cup and filled it with Coke
3. “This is my face. I’m not mad”: The plight of RBF
4. Nobody cares
5. Is it better to roast or to toast?
6. Sugar, spice and everything nice or sarcasm, Pepsi and everything sexy?
7. Do I want bangs, or should we just talk about my feelings?
8. Sorry, Mom.
9. “I’m 29. I can finally play a high schooler on TV. Thank you, Jackson Stewart”: On starting my Disney career later in life
10. I did a thing, and I’m not sorry
11. Goal Digger
12. I turned off my autocorrect, and I only journal in pen: A baddie’s guide to writing
13. Trial and lots of error

For the hot mess:

1. I never really know what’s going on
2. I’m late, and I’m sweating
3. Still in bed
4. Call me again in 3-5 business days
5. Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue
6. “I think I just said the funniest thing ever”: The story of my delusional comedy career
7. I haven’t changed my sheets in like a year.
8. Floor-seat mentality with a nosebleed budget
9. I wasn’t gonna cry in Starbucks though, yk?
10. Do I look like an Android user?
11. Rock my Crocs off
12. “Sorry, my Uber is here”: A beginner’s guide to exiting swiftly from awkward situations
13. Crap, I really need to finish my memoir

Okay, maybe these titles don’t reflect your life story in their simplicity, but hopefully they made you smile a bit.

 

For more stream of consciousness musings, contact Alanna Flores at alanna13 ‘at’ stanford.edu.