From the beginning of our Stanford education, we go through the process of being settled and unsettled. Our housing changes each year, class schedules vary, relationships can change, job expectations might shift and our lives move fast. These same challenges exist beyond Stanford; we are constantly ending one chapter of our lives to begin the next. This is exciting – and exhausting.
Though I’ve begun to settle into student life this quarter, the rest of my life remains unresolved. I, like many students, have uncertainties regarding future plans, and the ambiguities have been trailing with me for some time.
I had this idea when I was a freshman that I’d follow a straight and narrow path to finish my undergraduate degree in four years, perhaps attend graduate school followed by work and call some place in the United States “home.” Though I expected to move some, I had an endpoint in sight – a calm horizon. I expected the horizon to be a settlement into the rest of my life, where I’d remain.
After being away from this school for almost five years, the rest of my life didn’t happen that way. While I’m still an undergraduate, I recently moved back across the country to call Stanford “home” once again, this time as a mother. My three-year-old son refers to three places as his “house” but now calls Stanford his home, too.
While we all need some physical space to call home, a place is just a structure until we make a further connection. I’m not sure when I graduate what might loom ahead, where my new home will be and what kind of settlement I’ll make. As I try to navigate my family of two amidst uncertainty that always seems just behind and ahead of me, I’ve realized I had searched for the “settled” feeling in all the wrong places.
I wanted my circumstance to stop moving, I wanted the world to stop moving just for a moment so I could find some peace, so I could feel at home. Now, home means far more than a permanent place, it’s a state of mind.
I’ve become far more grateful for the temporary components of my life. Though my housing has an expiration date, I’ve embraced the opportunity to return to campus. I’ve met more people and dedicated myself to more student-life events than previous years here. I understand my time at Stanford is moving along, and it’s up to me to create a fulfilling experience during the short time I’m here. If we embrace our current spot at Stanford and the people in this place, we can find a much deeper and enduring connection to the world around us.
Doing something for the sake of being happy matters each day. Though our lives are mobile, we need to pause and take a breath for ourselves. Whether it’s exercise, a particular reading, a hobby, good food, that one guilty pleasure, or anything that allows us to feel nothing but comfort afterwards, do it. There are enough uncomfortable moments we deal with everyday. Take the time to feel relaxed as if you were right at home and soon enough you will be.
On the heels of the previous suggestion, find your own center. In my mid-20s, I’m beginning to understand what scares me, what challenges me and what offers me joy. I’ve learned to deal with me and balance who I am with what the world is. Sometimes, there’s an uneven tilt, but I understand more and more how I am as much as who I am. We can question and compare ourselves endlessly, or we can stop. We can stop to realize what works best for us. In doing this, we begin to sculpt our individuality, and once we do, no matter where we are, we can always feel at home.
Contact Courtney Clayton at cclayton ‘at’ stanford.edu.