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59 thoughts you have while getting lost on the way to Yosemite

A camping trip to Yosemite turns disastrous as five friends get lost on the way. (MATT BERNSTEIN/The Stanford Daily)

Long car rides can suck. Long car rides can suck even more if you get lost. This past weekend, a bunch of Donner kids went up to Yosemite to go hiking. It’s about a four-hour drive and I was in a late car (i.e. we left at 5:30 p.m.) with four other friends.

All was fine and dandy (being stuck in a moving metal vehicle for upwards of four hours also lends itself nicely to some solid bonding time)… until we got past the entrance to the park.

What follows is a progression of my thoughts:

  1. We made it inside the park! We’re at the entrance! Yay! Only 10 minutes of this drive left. Whew.
  2. Wait, we just lost service.
  3. Waaaait is this the right direction?
  4. Did we miss a turn?
  5. Can someone check Google Maps?
  6. Wait crap there’s no service.
  7. Hahaha imagine if someone just started sprinting out of the woods right now
  8. (I just saw “Get Out,” I’m sorry)
  9. We are entirely alone on this road and it is Very Dark
  10. Wait there’s a car behind us
  11. This car is so close to us what the hell
  13. Are they going to kill us
  14. Who are they, what do they want, why are they doing this
  15. Can they at least turn their brights off before murdering us?
  16. Wait no they passed us
  17. That was aggressive
  18. Okay turn here
  19. Wait this road is blocked off
  20. Okay which brave soul is going to check and see if that chain on the gate is locked
  22. Hope she doesn’t die
  23. Good luck
  24. What if a bear just came up and snatched her up right now
  25. What would we do? I mean I can drive.. but still, what a way to go
  26. Okay phew she survived
  27. I swear if we play “Good Morning, Baltimore” one more time I will scream
  28. Let’s go back to where we had service
  29. There is a poster for a missing man up here. I am terrified
  30. Okay update: we have a TWO AND A HALF HOUR DRIVE AHEAD OF US
  31. Oh good lord
  32. How
  33. Okay turning around. We got this. Gotta keep the driver awake. WE GOT THIS.
  34. Service! At long last! One bar!
  35. Wait it’s gone
  36. Oh no it’s back again
  37. Was that a corgi on the side of the road???
  38. Why are all of these houses abandoned and/or haunted
  39. There was definitely somebody in that house. Sitting. Alone.
  40. Why are we playing these songs
  41. Why are we playing “High School Musical”
  42. What time is it
  43. [Summer time]
  45. It’s 1 a.m. We’ve been on the road for eight hours.
  46. Please help
  47. WAIT
  48. WE’RE HERE
  49. Wait… isn’t that the road we were on when we went through the other entrance?
  50. Are you telling me we were 15 minutes away if we’d just gone straight before
  51. Okay yes. Great.
  53. Why is there another damn car tailgating us WITH. THEIR. BRIGHTS. ON.
  54. Can’t you see we are terrified and delirious
  55. We are so close please don’t kill us now
  56. Okay they’re passing us again. Thanks.
  57. Omg we made it
  59. YES


Contact Matt Bernstein with better directions to camping grounds at mbernstein ‘at’

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