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Stanford to put grad students in houseboats on Lake Lag

The University has warned against water activities at Lake Lagunita, in order to protect a rare salamander species (MELISSA WEYANT/The Stanford Daily).

In a surprising but widely welcomed move, Residential & Dining Enterprises (R&DE) announced today that they will be housing 100 graduate students in houseboats on the newly filled Lake Lagunita.

“Adequate graduate housing is just like Lake Lag,” an anonymous R&DE source said. “Sometimes it’s there, usually it’s not, and everyone moans about its absence when it’s missing.”

“This is a major step forward in providing low-cost, low-draft graduate student housing,” Provost Persis Drell said. “This also takes us closer to our long-term goal of developing every square inch of the Stanford campus.”

According to R&DE, new amenities of the houseboats will include banjos, Mark Twain collections and big swords to fight off the snakes that inhabit the murky waters of the lake.

Professor Anne Phibian of the biology department expressed concern over the fate of the endangered tiger salamanders.

“This can’t possibly be legal under the Endangered Species Act,” Phibian said.

R&DE said that with a variety of Stanford alumni in Congress, they would find a way to make the project acceptable.

 

Contact Caleb Smith at caleb17 ‘at’ stanford.edu.

 

Editor’s note: This article was published for April Fool’s Day and is completely fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only. That said, The Daily can confirm that the snakes are real.

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