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A model diet?

Jasmine Tookes at the Victoria's Secret Show London 2014. (WIKIPEDIA)

For a week, I’ve decided to try to eat like a Victoria’s Secret model, for several reasons.

One: Diets work so well, and absolutely guarantee you’ll lose weight in a healthy way! Two: Dieting is just plain fun (and I’m not the only one who thinks this – Mindy Kaling agrees). And three: It’s timely, because the Victoria’s Secret Fashion occurred last week live in Paris, and is coming to television screens near you on Dec. 5. To be honest, I’m not sure what the current feminist stance on the VS Fashion Show is – do we view it as shameful objectification of female bodies or liberation from stuffy values that dictate standards for “appropriate” clothing? Or in the words of my mother: Why are you writing an article about women dressing like hookers?! Write about something more appropriate. Like puppies. Um, sorry Mom.

In all seriousness, I’m not really sure how I feel about the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, mostly because I didn’t even know it existed until a few months ago (I’m really up to date with all things pop culture). However, in this age of Insta-famous supermodels like Gigi and Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner (all of whom are walking in the VS Fashion Show), we’re surrounded by images of enviously beautiful models. Is it bad that I want to look like them? (Jennifer Lawrence agrees with me, so it can’t be that bad, right?)

So, eating like a VS supermodel for a week … should be pretty horrific. I’m shivering as I imagine all the kale I’ll have to consume. For inspiration, I read some articles by some beauty magazine editors who have attempted the same challenge. These articles range between two reactions:

  1. “I ate like a Victoria’s Secret Model for Two Weeks and Now I Look Beautiful! Modeling Agents, Come Find Me!” accompanied by some strategically taken selfies of their toned bodies.
  2. “I ate like a Victoria’s Secret Model and I wanted to DIE and it was Horrible and it must be the Hardest Job in the World, Even Harder than Neurosurgery.” You can feel the literal pain of the poor suffering editor as she drinks green juice and goes to Pilates. Real problems, I know. The article always ends with her “revelation” that diets are bad for you.

I thought I’d be in the second camp, but then I started researching all the popular young models’ diets. And as it turns out, they are Just Like You And Me! Sure, older models like Adrianna Lima only consume liquids two weeks before the fashion show, but the younger models – i.e. the ones I’ve actually heard of – love to fill their veins with sugar, salt and fat. In fact, models seem to subsist entirely on a diet of pizza and burgers and ice cream. Or else, the highly descriptive “well-balanced diet.” They seemed especially keen to reassure every interviewer that they never deprive themselves.

On Day 1, I ate like Gigi Hadid. You’ve probably heard of her, because People magazine gushes about her relationship with Zayn (of tragically now-nonexistent One Direction) practically every day. According to this interview, she eats burgers for lunch and ice cream for snacks, so I followed that diet accordingly. This diet is fun! I also worked out for seven minutes, but not in heels because I’m not as cool as she is.

On Day 2, I followed Kendall Jenner’s diet of pizza, burgers and lots of detox tea. She drinks some “detox” tea off of Amazon, but I just made do with all my David’s Tea flavors in my dorm room. Also, I made sure to avoid all things with holes (pancakes, waffles, etc.) because apparently she has an intense fear of tiny holes (AKA trypophobia), which I totally get. Haven’t you ever seen a picture of a pancake and been kept up with nightmares for months? I’m trembling right now.

On Day 3, I took my inspiration from Cara Delevingne, who didn’t walk this year (because she’s a model who hates modeling) but is one of the only other models I know. Anyway, she apparently loves French fries. I hate French fries, but I scarfed them down for the sake of my diet.

Finally, on Day 4, I followed the diet of every other model out there: I ate a well-balanced diet and never deprived myself. I can’t give you any more information though, because that would be breaking the model code of vagueness.

After these four days of dieting, I achieved the perfect toned body of a model. À la Bella Hadid, I even lost MORE weight than I intended, so now I get to enjoy a week of only cake and ice cream to get back to the optimal weight. Turns out that all those beauty editors had it wrong (Glamour, hire me instead!). Dieting isn’t hard at all, nor does it consist of eating healthy food. Mind-blowing, huh?

P.S. There’s a small chance I’m lying. I could’ve been eating salads the entire week and going to the gym for an hour every day, and succumbing to the temptation of chocolate only late at night (when calories don’t count). But if I told you that, that wouldn’t be very model-like, now would it? Anyway, it’s totally “cool” to be effortless.

These days, the whole “I eat burgers and never go on the elliptical machine” attitude that Marissa Cooper mimicked so well on “The OC” is totally back in style. Americans love to watch models eat junk food (see: VS fashion show models eating pizza, Kendall and Gigi and Bella going out for mac and cheese after the VS fashion show, Kendall Jenner dreaming about Twix bars).

So for sake of being a wannabe model, I’m going to go with the pizza.

 

Contact Caroline Dunn at cwdunn98 ‘at’ stanford.edu.

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