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Nine types of people you’ll meet in your freshman dorm

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One of the most exciting parts of freshman year is getting to know the people in your dorm. Bonded by the mutual experience of having absolutely no idea where you’re going in life both figuratively and literally (who even knows where Littlefield is), you and your dormmates basically achieve BFF status in a couple of days. It’s like friendship making on steroids. But even as you form amazing bonds with the 90+ other strangers living with you for a year, it’s hard not to notice these incredibly Stanford-centric stereotypes. Disclaimer: stereotypes are stereotypes — nobody fits exactly into one category, but hey, it’s a lot of fun hypothesizing which category you’d be in.

 

The jock

Very different from the Stanford athlete, the Jock actually puts time into his Google calendar for working out. His favorite activity is lifting and his primary mode of dress is various muscle tanks and shorts. He probably sleeps with a gallon jug of protein powder under his bed and posts gym mirror selfies on his Insta. You’ll find him most often at the AEORC bench presses.

The health fanatic

Probably vegan and really into naturopathic remedies, she’s the person to go to for honey lemon teas and random herbal extracts. Her favorite restaurant is probably Pressed Juicery and her Instagram features posts of her doing yoga poses on the beach and hiking The Dish, or heavily filtered pictures of her colorful salads. She’s always wearing Lululemon yoga pants. You’ll never know how she can look so #flawless while doing the downward dog.

The start-up guy/girl

Alternates between wearing t-shirts obtained from the CS Career Fair and pastel button-down shirts. He talks constantly about “this app I’m working on” and how it’s going to be “the next Snapchat,” which is funny because it sounds exactly like Snapchat. He’s a pro at networking, sliding into any and all conversations within earshot to introduce himself. Despite more LinkedIn connections than your Facebook friend count, you’ve never actually seen him do any coding.

The gamer

May or may not be related to the Mysteriously Closed Door (see below), but this person spends his or her Friday nights playing LoL [League of Legends] (which is totally cool, you do you). He definitely brought a video game console to Stanford and uses a lot of gaming slang. He’s pulled many all-nighters, not because of p-sets, but because he stayed up playing Smash for four hours. GG, my friend, GG.

The really enthusiastic Stanford fan

Sends lots and lots of emails to the dorm mailing list with gifs and exclamation points. Probably camped out at the stadium for three days to get front row seats at the first football game, at which he painted his entire body red. The punch line of all his jokes is Cal. Has watched every Stanford sporting event that’s viewable to the public. His favorite store is the Stanford bookstore.

The mysteriously closed door

This person never leaves her room and you don’t even know her name. It’s okay. You will probably never know her name. She is actually really happy about that.

Future President of the United States

Everyone knows this gal. May or may not be actually involved with the ASSU or Dorm Gov, but she’s as good at networking as the Start-Up Girl (see above).  Somehow manages to balance 10 extracurriculars and 20 units a quarter and still be sane. Probably met President Obama that one time he came to campus. Probably will be President Obama someday.

The Vogue editor

This girl’s room looks like something out of Pottery Barn and her Instagram has a ridiculous amount of followers. Always looks like she walked out of London Fashion Week but when you compliment her clothes, just says, “Oh this? I just rolled out of bed and grabbed the nearest outfit.” She definitely writes for Mint or Arts Review or Leland Quarterly or all of the above. She’s also really into blogging and probably owns a DSLR.

The partier

Doesn’t have to be involved in Greek life but somehow always knows where the parties are. Remember the spate of party-tracking apps from last year? It doesn’t matter when you have this friend around; his party radar is like the campus police who catch you when forget your bike light – infallible.

If there are more types of people you’ve met, let Samantha Wong know at slwong ‘at’ stanford.edu.

Samantha Wong '18 is the former Executive Editor of vol. 252 and former Managing Editor of The Grind. She is majoring in Human Biology with a minor in History. To reach her, please contact slwong 'at' stanford.edu.