Marks My Words: The Walk-By

Opinion by Miriam Marks
April 1, 2011, 12:28 a.m.

Marks My Words: The Walk-ByYou’re walking somewhere on campus, by yourself and on the go. You glance ahead and see that girl you kind of know (yes, it could be a boy, too). Was she in section with you that one time? No, she must’ve been your friend’s roommate. Or, wait, maybe you met her at the party last night? Ah, but you probably don’t remember much about that night anyway…

So what do you do? Option 1: ignore her. Avert your eyes, either by staring in a different direction or pulling out some distraction. Your best bet is your phone. You take it out and immediately start a text message to whoever, anybody, maybe even mom. Thirty seconds later you look up, she’s gone and you’re off the hook. It doesn’t matter if you knew her or how you knew her, whether you hooked up or worked on a group project together. She’s gone.

Let’s say you’re feeling a little more courageous. Option 2: give her some eye contact. You can do it fleetingly, occasionally looking in another direction, or stare intently towards her as she passes you. If she isn’t busy completely ignoring you or actually busy, there’s a good chance that your eyes will meet.

Once this happens, there are several more possibilities. You might both immediately look away, simultaneously remembering that ill-fated hookup in the computer cluster. You may each linger momentarily before someone breaks the stare, a mutual lack of recognition. Alternatively, after all that effort, your eyes will meet and you will politely smile at each other, whether in acknowledgement of a prior introduction or not.

Then there’s always Option 3: go big. She walks by, and without waiting for her to do anything, you say, “Hey! What’s up?”

Some of you readers may be thinking, “What the eff? Why would I just say hi to some random girl who I might not even know?” But instead, ask yourself what you have to lose. You say hey. The girl walks away thinking, “Who is that weirdo?” and forgets about it. The girl thinks, “Oh, maybe that person thought I was someone else” and forgets about it. She might think, “Wow, what a nice total stranger!” It’s even possible that she will be the guilty type and think, “Oh no, I must know that person from somewhere and clearly they remember me but I don’t remember them! I’m such an awful person!” No matter what, there’s no long-term damage to you.

Which option do you pick? Some of you probably don’t even think about it. Some of you spend quite a while — the endless, agonizing seconds as you and this mysterious person walk towards each other — wondering which option to choose. And probably most of you choose to ignore her. It’s easier, it’s safer, it’s simpler.

But there are some good aspects of Options 2 and 3, even if they appear to be higher-risk options. Have you ever waved to someone who looked a lot like your friend and turned out to be someone else? It’s a little embarrassing. Have you ever jumped in the path of a speeding bicycle because you thought your friend was riding it and would screech to a stop, only to realize, as you were about to be mowed down, that the rider was not your friend? That’s embarrassing too. How long does that embarrassment last? Not long.

More lasting is the warm and fuzzy feeling you’ll get when someone you don’t know very well says hi to you. This gesture says that you’re memorable, that you’re worth a passing hello. What if you walk by the same person again? Pretty soon the two of you will establish a pattern of saying hello, and you’ll get that warm and fuzzy feeling all the time.

I had such an experience last quarter. I saw one particular person everywhere, always in the same part of campus around Green, Olive’s and the History corner. I had vaguely met her last year, but we had never really spoken. After I walked by her consistently for a full week, I decided to try something. The next time we passed each other, I said hey. She looked a little taken aback, but returned the greeting.

That was the beginning of a beautiful passing friendship. We said countless “heys” day in and day out. We never stopped to chat, but the elementary greetings went a long way. During Dead Week, I walked by her while she was sitting down. The time had come for something more than a “hey.” Yes, I was nervous. But I approached and struck up a conversation. Unsurprisingly the first thing we said to each other was, “Dude, I see you everywhere!” And there, from nothing, grew a friendship that consists of reliable hellos whenever we see each other. Perhaps next will come a tentative lunch plan!

So the next time you walk by someone, consider a greeting that consists of more than averting your eyes. You may not know her, you may think you know him, but either way there’s no lasting harm from a “hey.”

 

Miriam is looking for that warm and fuzzy feeling. Send her a “hey” at [email protected]

 

Login or create an account

Apply to The Daily’s High School Summer Program

Priority deadline is april 14

Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds