This weekend, we took a holiday to celebrate the life and times of Martin Luther King Jr. As we all know, Dr. King gave moving speeches and organized marches across the South, eventually leading to civil rights victories that have made America a better place for all of us. Without a doubt, his life is one that warrants the reflection and admiration that come with your own holiday.
Though Arizona held out for the longest, Dr. King’s birthday is now nationally recognized as a holiday. This raises the question of, even if you hated Martin Luther King, wouldn’t you still want to give yourself the day off? Who doesn’t want to be able to spend more time with their racist families? In honor of Dr. King and the forthcoming Presidents’ Day, Labor Day and all the other days throughout the year where our weeks are shortened, here are a few more days we could all take off.
There’s no doubt that the president is the most important figure in the American democracy. But still, why can’t we get some time off to think about the achievements of Stephen Douglas, Chris Dodd, Strom Thurmond and Henry “The Great Compromiser” Clay? Just because nobody’s heard of any of those people, and the ones they have heard of are mostly famous for doing terrible things?
This one’s a little trickier because in some parts of America, Columbus Day is still celebrated. However, much of the country has rescinded his day on account of 1) he didn’t really discover America, even if we’re not counting all the people who were already living there and 2) he was a big ol’ racist who was killing Native Americans left and right, which is not exactly the type of historical legacy we want to be celebrating. On the other hand, he did sail the ocean blue.
Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Day
On Bring Your Daughter to Work Day Day, we spend our time commemorating all of the meaningful activities and vocations learned that have taken place on various Bring Your Daughter to Work Days around the world.
Jack Bauer Day
All of America needs work off on Jack Bauer Day so that they can spend those 24 hours escaping from a Chinese prison, being shot and fully recovering within an hour or so, running point on critical anti-terrorism missions and killing between 25 and 75 people all without ever going to the bathroom.
Pluto Memorial Day
If Facebook groups are any indication, nothing has saddened college students more than Pluto’s demotion from planet to, let’s say, space rock. So why not spend a day dressing up as astronauts and pretending like we actually care about science as we pay tribute to our demoted colleague.
Coretta Scott King Day
Sure, Martin Luther King having a day is impressive. And yes, leaving one day in his honor every year did end racism. But if we want to end sexism too, we’re going to need to do better than give an award in her honor to authors and illustrators of children’s books.
This would be good—as of now, birthdays consist of going to class and/or work and maybe getting a cake. Maybe. But wouldn’t taking the day off be a better present?
French and Indian War Day
Hey, if celebrating a military victory over the French can give Mexico a fun holiday (i.e. Cinco de Mayo), we may as well join in the fun as well.
Honorable mentions: Victory in Vietnam Day, Chinese New Year, Yom Kippur, OJ Verdict Day, Pi Day, Cinco de Mayo, Bill and Hillary Clinton Wedding Anniversary Day, Halloween, Opposite Day, Earth Day, Day the Music Died, Wellness Week.
Have any other ideas for avoiding work? E-mail Jordan at firstname.lastname@example.org.