Accessibility statementSkip to main content
We need your help: All banner donations made today will support The Daily's new staff financial aid program.
Learn more and donate.

Donate

Midnight Fryer: An “Oral” Discourse on Sex: Blowjob Scenario Part II

By

Because it is such a “rare find,” I am always envious when I hear girlfriends exclaim, “HOLLY SH*T! He gives such AMAZING orals!” For the rest of us, being good at oral sex, unlike physics or theater, does not guarantee a reward for either talent or effort. And while most girls are encouraged to “deep throat” a guy’s penis, a lot of guys are still stuck on the “omg, eww”-lick-“eww”-lick-“omg, is it my turn yet?”-repeat phrase.

While you often hear guys ask, “can I cum on your face?” You never hear the response, “you are such a mind reader-that’s exactly what I wanted to ask you! Can I ejaculate on your face first? ….Wait, you never even were able to bring me to the point of ejaculation. You were aware that girls can ejaculate, right? Actually you always make me feel self-conscious by thinking that it is gross. I mean, I totally get it, since it is neither sticky nor staining. On that note, now that I think of it, would you mind keeping your sperm in your testicles too? Not trying to be insulting, but it is kind of, eh… slimy …I mean unless you are into fluids darting about, in which case can I ejaculate onto your face?”

While so many guys want to try anal sex, you don’t really hear girls responding with the same enthusiasm, “Wait you are into anal sex? Me too! I was totally hoping you would say that! I’ve got the lube and strap-on ready. Do you want doggie-style or missionary? I mean we can do wheel-barrel too, but your legs are kind of heavy – I don’t know if I could lift you… Wait you want to penetrate my behind? Sweety, that’s so nice of you, trying to please me like that. But unlucky for me – I don’t have a prostate. Plus in the heat of the moment, you might just confuse the different holes, and I’ll end up with terrible infections – I’m sure you would not want that for me, right? Also, you know how we are so proud of your ‘junk-in-the-front?’ And you would never consider a reduction? So that might give me terrible fissures that neither of us want to deal with. On the other hand, we can soooo change the size of the dildo, finding the ‘perfect-size-for-you’! So no matter which way we look at it, it is logical to conclude that I shall have the pleasure of penetrating you! Booyah!”

Humor aside, the question remains, how is it that guys are made so comfortable with sex, yet girls so aware of their bodily presence? How is it that girls obsess over their “fat” thighs and “smelly” vaginas, but guys never obsess over their basic semen and consequently eat more pineapples? How is it that guys view it as their god-given right to orgasm while a lot of girls have yet to experience the sensation?

So ladies, I dare you to get an orgasm tonight – and it is not over until you are finished. If he does not know how, do yourself a favor and teach him. And if you are finished? Well, I guess good night to you then! Guys never seem to feel bad that they left you hanging after they are done, so why should you? “Blue-ball” him! And to our female protagonist from last week, I got something to say to you too, “Ruin the moment for him! Since it is ruined for you already!”

Yes, we grew up in a puritanical sexist culture. Yes. Sex is “dirty” and “secretive,” and only “those women” “lust” after sex and pleasure. Yes. We are people-pleasers and read the monthly “546 ways to please him” in Cosmo. Yes. You probably have never asked yourself what pleases you or asked “it” of your partner. And in the age of “female sexual liberation,” there are too many “Girls Gone Wild” (that, in my opinion, is an exploitation of the confusion between sexual liberation and the ingrained social construct of a woman to please), and too many girls upholding the female social imprisonment by calling other girls “sluts.” Neither calls for a true embracement of sexuality by women. Make a change today, and ask yourself, do you defend your orgasm like it is your right or a too-rarely-bestowed gift? Do you know what you want? Not just sex, but what exactly in and about sex that pleases you? Do you know what sex does to you? Do you know what your limits are? Do you respect yourself, particularly when your partner is making you feel compromised? OR are you just too “passive”? Forgive me for being stubborn, but I still think that sex should make you feel better and not worse. So “research” your body, realize that sex is better than shopping therapy. Be selfish, and give the gift of orgasm to yourself today.

Send your questions regarding your sex life to [email protected]. Cannot guarantee help since I am not a sex therapist.

While you're here...

We're a student-run organization committed to providing hands-on experience in journalism, digital media and business for the next generation of reporters. Your support makes a difference in helping give staff members from all backgrounds the opportunity to develop important professional skills and conduct meaningful reporting. All contributions are tax-deductible.

Donate

Get Our EmailsGet Our Emails