gt;I feel so violated right now. I just finished watching a leaked version of the pilot “Spartacus: Blood and Sand,” and I’ll never look at blood or my female anatomy in the same way.I feel so violated right now. I just finished watching a leaked version of the pilot “Spartacus: Blood and Sand,” and I’ll never look at blood or my female anatomy in the same way.
When I walked out of the theater after seeing “Avatar” in Imax 3-D, I took a few minutes to realize that the people around me were not speaking Nav’I, before peeling the contacts that had congealed to my wide-open eyeballs due to the James Cameron visual explosion. I then remembered the one preview the theater had shown: a preview for Starz’s newest TV show, “Spartacus: Blood and Sand.”
Upon seeing the trailer, I rolled my eyeballs, which were still functioning at that point, because I hate gladiators. Yes, I’m a Latin minor, but last year in my Ancient Empires IHUM, every third person was writing his research paper on them and my classmates waged recall wars for secondary sources in my inbox. I’ve never been particularly interested in who these gladiators were, why they were forced to fight and whether they won or not. I chalk it all up to slavery and imperialism in ancient Rome. If you argue that gladiators are the ancient predecessors of boxing and wrestling as professional sports, then you can definitely understand why I’m not a fan.
The “Avatar” connection is not entirely irrelevant. “Spartacus” presents the story of the second Spartacus (they call him Spartacus because they don’t know his name; it’s kind of like the second coming and the guy could also play Jesus if Starz ever decides to violate that popular historical figure). Spartacus’ life begins as a leader of the Thracians, a group of Greek men who agree to help the Romans fight the barbarians to the North and as a husband in a simultaneously and almost contradictorily sexual and loving marriage. The series can best be summarized as sex spattered in CGI blood with a side of anachronistic swearing (way less effective than “Deadwood” because you never know when to expect it on “Spartacus.” Every few minutes, a Thracian will break into a Turrets soliloquy of f-bombs and see you next Tuesdays). And, when I say sex, I mean montages of different positions.
You could call it a fusion of “300” and “The Tudors.” While the former is its most obvious influence, “The Tudors” model of a contrived thematic connection between politics and gratuitous sex is replicated here. Although I shouldn’t have high historical expectations for “Spartacus,” and the show itself doesn’t purport to be accurate because it establishes itself as a sequel to the original Spartacus story, the cliches of gladiators as lovers who fight to ease the pain and avaricious politicians and their manipulative wives have been the status quo for depictions of ancient Rome since Graves published “I, Claudius” in 1934.
Starz’s ambition to maximize its use of its unedited content has resulted in an hour of TV that seeks to titillate and distract, not immerse you in a place or story. I could barely follow the plot of the pilot, which is supposed to establish how Spartacus comes to be a gladiator and what each of the Roman politicians is after. If you don’t want to commit to all of “300,” or if you want to see some naked girl on girl, watch tonight’s premiere. But after that, I beg you, never look back.
I had such high hopes for “Spartacus” after I watched the first season of “Party Down” over break. “Party Down,” the brainchild of “Veronica Mars” creator Rob Thomas (no, not that one), follows a team of out-of-work actors working as caterers. In that venue, the swearing is appropriate, the characters well drawn and the humor always changing. Jane Lynch was a cast member for the first half of the season and will be replaced by Megan Mullally in the second season. As we saw in the Zoot Suit episode of “Glee,” Megan will have big shoes to fill.
I appreciate that Starz is an insignificant enough movie channel that they show old movies like ’90s Woody Allen and that they gave the world “Party Down,” but I will spend the rest of my life questioning why I study Classics because of projects like “Spartacus.”