Widgets Magazine


Rethinking gender and sexual assault policy: My story

In October 2013, I was sexually assaulted by a female student on campus.

I arrived at a party with a group of friends and struck up a conversation with a girl. We both were a bit drunk, but not to any dangerous levels, and slowly moved our conversation to the dance floor. We started dancing, then making out, then before I knew it, her hand was down my pants. I was surprised, as I hadn’t given her consent to take things a step farther, but I was nevertheless okay with it. Time passed with us together on the dance floor until she began whispering in my ear that she wanted to have sex. While I was enjoying myself, sex was not on the agenda for the night. I took a step back and realized that her friends were gone and she was seemingly alone at this party with me. Even though I didn’t want to end the night in her bed, since she was drunk, I felt I should help her make it back to her dorm.

We started walking home together, but our walk was prolonged by frequent stop-offs. We’d take a few steps holding hands, then take a moment to move off the path and make out with each other for a bit. After a while, these stop-offs became less of a mutual decision and more of a demand from her. I began denying her advances; it was late and I just wanted to get her home safely so I could get some sleep. She continued to engage with me and I denied her requests with a verbal “no” several times. After several failed attempts to push off her advances, we got to the point where I was trading kisses and gropes for steps back to her dorm. Several times her hands went down my pants, and I was not okay with it. I did my best to stick to my “no” every time she demanded more, but at each denial she would stop dead in her tracks and refused to walk with me unless I complied. I felt stuck. Dragging her back to her dorm with her fighting against me simply didn’t feel right. Physically fighting her struggle was not the safest means to that end. But, it didn’t feel right to abandon her there either. She was drunk and could not be left alone in the state she was in. So I felt I had only one option: I complied.

When I got back to my dorm at 2:30 that night, I was confused. Didn’t I go out wanting to engage in sexual contact? Shouldn’t I feel proud and confident that someone wanted me? As a man, shouldn’t I always want sex? This had been what I wanted for so long, but once it was in front of me, it simply didn’t feel right.

I don’t fault her for my change of heart; I fault her for not listening to my clear “no” several times after I made my final decision. Was the situation handled perfectly? No. I was confused, horny and intoxicated. I wasn’t properly educated to even understand that this experience would qualify as sexual assault. But even with all of these things in play, the fact of the matter is that my “no” was not respected. Sure, she didn’t use force, but what was I supposed to do?


About eight months had passed since my assault before I even considered the gravity of what happened that night. I relayed the experience to a few friends and at first, we nervously laughed about it. It all just seemed like a joke. Trading kisses and gropes for steps back toward her dorm? The whole situation seemed laughable, all centering on the inconceivable image of a horny college male denying a female’s sexual advances.

In June, I started asking why the events happened even though I said no. It didn’t seem like sexual assault. I wasn’t physically beaten or forced to engage with her. This wasn’t some traumatic event that threw me into a deep depression.

But Stanford’s current definition of sexual assault states, “Sexual assault is the actual, attempted or threatened unwanted sexual act, whether by an acquaintance or by a stranger, accomplished against a person’s will by means of force (express or implied), violence, duress, menace, fear or fraud. If coercion, intimidation, threats and/or physical force are used, there is no consent.”

Actual unwanted sexual act? Check. Coercion? Check. There was no consent. However, this still wasn’t enough for me.

After I returned to campus for my senior year in September, I began the process of reaching out to the Sexual Assault and Relationship Abuse (SARA) Office on campus. When they were unable to meet immediately, I attempted talking to one of Stanford’s Confidential Sexual Assault Counselors. That position not yet having been set up, the University eventually forwarded me to the YWCA Sexual Assault Center on campus.

I began recounting my experience to the woman on the other line. I told my side of the story and she listened attentively until I ended with the simple question, “Does this qualify as sexual assault?” After a short moment acknowledging the difficulty of all the factors at play, what she said left me flabbergasted.

“You just have to be careful,” she said to me plainly. She began to outline how situations like these are difficult when alcohol is involved, but when I reiterated that I clearly said “no” and felt trapped in the situation she continued to astound me with her suggestions at what I should or could have done. “You could have just left her,” she insisted. “If I were a man in your shoes, I would have definitely called 911.” At this point it was tough to hold back my frustration. I was calling this hotline because I was trying to figure out if what I experienced was sexual assault. How could I have called 911 in the moment if I didn’t even know I was being sexually assaulted?

I continued and began speaking of how I felt my gender could have played a role in the incident and how it was beginning to color our conversation. In response to this she began explicitly insisting that the woman in my case might not even know what happened that night and could accuse me of sexual assault. I had gone from possible victim to possible attacker in this woman’s eyes. Not having received the counseling I sought, I quickly ended the conversation. I understand that I didn’t handle things perfectly that night, but not once did this YWCA representative give any ounce of support. She didn’t refer me to any further resources. She never once validated that this was indeed sexual assault. As a man calling into the Young Women’s Christian Association, it’s tough to think that my gender did not play a role in this woman’s response. It was incredibly frustrating that an organization known for warning against victim-blaming in the case of women had no problem jumping straight to this tactic against a male victim when the tables were turned.

A few days after my encounter with the YWCA, I was able to meet with staff at the SARA Office. I explained the same story to the director and feared that I would experience the same victim-blaming that occurred with the YWCA. Instead, she immediately answered my question. Yes, what I described does count as sexual assault.

From there she provided me with a multitude of resources, from Counseling and Psychological Services for psychological help all the way to instructions for entering the judicial review process if I wanted to press charges. My experience with the SARA Office was wholly positive, as the director took the time to see me not as a victim, not as a male, but as a person with a tough question that needed an answer.


While Stanford has a concrete definition of sexual assault, the SARA Office affirmed that before even consulting legal definitions, it is first up to the survivor to define what happened based on how they feel. I personally do not want to press charges; we both strayed blindly into grey areas that night. Luckily, I came out the other side without any traumatic emotional scarring or depression. However, not everyone may be so lucky if put in this situation.

Never once have I called this woman my “attacker” or “assailant” because I didn’t emotionally respond as though it were an attack or an assault. To me, she’s just a student that made a mistake. However, she does deserve to know that what she did is defined as sexual assault.

What she does not deserve is expulsion. We need to understand that we can’t solve these grey issues with black and white statements and punishments.

By demanding a “strong presumption in favor of expulsion” through last quarter’s ASSU Task Force Proposal, we begin to force the hand of the administration in cases where they should instead be using a discerning eye. Under the proposal, the only mitigating factor that can be brought forth to fight expulsion is the presence of a “pertinent, acute mental illness.” Mistaken consent, cooperation with the judicial review process and evidence of a lack of malicious intent are all outlined as factors that are inadequate to bring forth an argument against expulsion. It is completely understandable why the ASSU would deem these as inappropriate, but in practice this results in harsh punishments that fail to account for the differing degrees of sexual misconduct and rape.

In my case, I don’t believe she had any especially malicious intent during the incident and her presence on campus does not present any imminent danger to me. Despite these factors, under the above policies, she would still fall under the category of recommendation for expulsion. She deserves to be educated about her mistakes, but this education remains unavailable to her as a result of the punitive approach proposed by the ASSU. The burden of providing her with this education should not fall onto me simply because I disagree with the recommendation for such a harsh punishment. There is definitely a time and place where expulsion is necessary and we need to ensure that the University is able to apply it to keep students safe. However, in cases where education is all that is necessary to ensure a safe learning environment, overreactions like expulsion begin to look less as a decision to ensure student safety but more as an attempt to deliver retribution for emotional distress, which should never be the goal of punishments.

We need to create a better space where everyone can speak constructively about this issue, as this can happen to anyone. Yes, sexual assault happens significantly more often to women than men; however, when we gender these conversations, it marginalizes the already silent population of male victims even further. It reinforces the idea that as a man, you won’t be assaulted. Therefore, when it happens it’s seen as a joke or an issue raising questions surrounding the man’s sexuality instead of his assault. Stripping gender from these conversations is necessary to constructive conversation because its presence provides no benefit outside of reinforcing a statistical fact that we all should already understand. Gendering these conversations often leads to victim-blaming of women and the demonization of men, which simply divides us on an issue we already stand hand-in-hand against.

Ensuring safety for everyone is our priority when fighting sexual assault, and it’s important to remember that while we may disagree on the path, we’re all envisioning the same goal. I’m extremely excited that we continue to hear from voices that have been previously marginalized and silenced when these issues arise. However, we need to ensure that we do not marginalize and silence those that may be fighting alongside us in the process.

Justin Brown ‘15

  • Nathan

    Yeah…remember the ‘Don’t be that guy’ campaign? It was full of situations just like this…’if a girl is drunk make sure she gets home safe’.

  • Nathan

    So, men can just leave drunken women to fend for themselves?
    And when these drunken women have sex with someone, is it still rape?
    Pick a side.
    Either women have agency, or they don’t. YOu can’t choose when you have agency.

  • Francine

    He’s getting at Manosphere philosophy. Usually something along the line of, “women aren’t moral agents, are incapable of acting rationally, are (unlike men) uniquely victim to their primitive impulses. etc” . Sorry I have to stop before I scream.

    What the woman in this story did was absolutely repugnant. It *is* disheartening to see that double standard blinders are preventing so many people in this thread from recognizing that. From recognizing that men can feel trapped and be predatoryily manipulated into sex just as much as women can.

    Instead the Manosphere would like feminists to see this story and think that its ridiculous for the man to claim he is a victim and then to “realize” that they’re wrong in thinking the woman would be a victim if the genders were swapped. Ridiculous. Disheartening.

    The man in this story was the victim of predatory, manipulative, atrociously selfish behavior from the woman in this story. What she did was wrong. He *was* a victim of her crime. Regardless of the sex of each of them.

  • richard40

    Yes means yes is total nonsense. A couple having sex cannot be expected to ask for a yes after each small step of the way. It creates a situation where consensual sex according to the way most people do it,do what seems right until somebody says no, is no longer possible. And the new laws saying that any level of intoxication negates consent basically means the only way a guy can safely have sex is to give the girl a breathalyzer test, good luck getting her to agree with that. No means no was working fine, and was completely clear and enforceable, there was no reason at all to change it.

  • NewMHRA

    I don’t understand what he’s trying to say either (I think he misunderstood your comment…?)

    Perhaps he meant that it’d be less difficult to walk away from her if you had “taken the red pill.”

    It seems that even if your aren’t familiar with the term “red pill” that your thoughts are in line with what those that have “taken the red pill” would think about this situation so schooling you seems unnecessary.

    It’s even more difficult to decipher the comment from Francine because it appears to conflict with itself and casts presumptuous aspersions on the nebulous “Manosphere Philosophy,” but we’re all misunderstood now and then.

  • MIKE42

    The male is always, always, always wrong, remember that guys. Heck he could have left her and she could have claimed raype, out of spite.

    Weigh your options and do a cost benefits relationship when dealing with women…

  • http://northernarizonawebsites.com/ starrcy1

    This is a very significant article. One of my son’s roommates relayed a similar incident that he experienced by a drunk female student who was sexually demanding and he “gave in because I didn’t want to make her mad.” he added, ” I definitely didn’t want to have sex with her.”
    On today’s college campuses where women DO have equal footing, apparently they are not equally responsible for their decisions or behavior, especially when drinking.
    I can’t help but assume there are many college males who have dealt with sexual assault from females based on the same definition contained in Title IX and campus student codes of conduct. But, college men don’t “whine” so the complaint is never made. What they don’t realize is that their rights are ignored when they are accused of sexual campus. I hope they start filing complaints and let’s see just how unfair college adjudicatory processes are.

  • http://northernarizonawebsites.com/ starrcy1

    Sadly, if you do or don’t get away from her, she may get mad and file a complaint against you which begins a “he said, she said” process ending up in a kangaroo court. Many college women admit they filed complaints to get even with a male student. Guys need some kind of “unstable female warning” app because even crossing paths with the wrong kind of female can start a nightmare from which few men recover.

  • http://northernarizonawebsites.com/ starrcy1

    If it’s a crime, it needs to go to law enforcement, not a school that should be dealing with plagiarism or other academic issues.

  • http://northernarizonawebsites.com/ starrcy1

    We need to help young men understand just how vulnerable they are – I honestly don’t think they get it at all, especially given how young women are equally unsophisticated or understanding about their personal responsibility. A great organization is A Voice for Male Students. Check them out they’ve got a lot of excellent advice.

  • NewMHRA

    I’m familiar with A Voice for Male Students.
    Thank you for the suggestion though!

  • http://northernarizonawebsites.com/ starrcy1

    Agree. thanks for your comment! Women who genuinely want to be treated equally shouldn’t also expect to be treated as a protected class in terms of how the system bends over to help them. And shouldn’t they be equally responsible for their own safety? I would never doubt that sexual assault is a real problem with real victims, especially where drugs and alcohol are involved in campus settings. But women are smart and so they should be capable of assuming more responsibility to avoid risky situations. My problem with the issue is that women aren’t held accountable for their behavior or decisions, just men are.

  • Harvey Wallbanger

    Are you kidding me? You claim sex is sanctified because of your bible? Do you not get that your “truth” is not universal – that to most of us, your bible is just debunked mythology that you are afraid to let go of? You are welcome to it, but you are not welcome to make universal assertions that are not true. To many of us, sex has no sanctity. You may wish that wasn’t so, but that’s reality.

  • http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com/ Joyce M. Short

    I did not state my personal belief regarding the religious definition of sanctity. I did, however, explain a more global concept of the word which you obviously either chose to ignore or don’t understand.

  • Harvey Wallbanger

    No you didn’t, you claimed this idea that sex is universal is based on the bible. I merely pointed out that what the bible says is not a universally held truth by most of us and in fact, many of us consider it debunked mythology. There was nothing “global” about your inane thought. You want to subscribe to an ancient, ridiculous mythology in the 21st century? Don’t be surprised when such a view is treated as lunacy by the more sentient of us on the planet.

  • http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com/ Joyce M. Short

    Not even close. The Wallbanger example of “sentinent- without emotional empathy.

    Not worth having a conversation with someone who misinterprets what they read. Bye.

  • Nathan

    yet if a guy badgers a woman till she says ‘yes’ that is still considered sexual assault/rape.
    What is good for one party is good for another. If it’s assault when a man does it, it’s assault when a woman does it.

  • LogicalLiberalAtheist

    Why should he have done anything? He was drunk, too – cannot be faulted for not making the right decisions.

  • AerinCatherine

    Again, as you’re all arguing about statistics, I’m working with actual human beings. I couldn’t care less if the girl in the ER is 1 in 5 or 1 in 100 or if the boy is 1 in 3 or 1 in 1000. Absurd that you think the number of people assaulted per year has anything to with the individual attention that each case receives. I think the world has gone insane arguing about numbers that don’t matter while ignoring individual people who do. Each person who has been assaulted is ONE, and knowing if they are 1 in 5, 1 in 10 or 1 in 100 is meaningless because they are still the one.

  • visionary_23

    Uh, you argued that the CDC counts rape as gender neutral statistic. It doesn’t.

    Absurd that you think the number of people assaulted per year has anything to with the individual attention that each case receives.

    This is a non sequitur/strawman. Nobody said anything of the sort.

    That being said, people who argue terrible but erroneous stats like these:

    1 in 5 [women are sexually assaulted]

    …actually often have a direct impact on government policy and cultural attitudes when DEALING with a problem sexual assault. That stat was actually listed on Kirsten Gillebrand’s (Senator – NY) website, and cited by California in changing its sexual assault law on campuses.

    And if you think that government policy and cultural attitudes don’t have any effect on the experiences of ONE person being assaulted, then I’m not sure what to tell you.

  • Alexander Kleibrink

    So things went south when his white knight dick took over, this sounds all too typical. A lone drunk girl at a closing party is a police matter. Also calling this an assault is not just disingenuous but also insulting to rape victims who had no option to escape a violent attack because they were physically incapable to defend themselves.

  • Crisis Line Volunteer

    I am sorry that this student was responded to as he was when he called a crisis line. I have worked for many years as a crisis line volunteer. A standard part of the training, which I would have expected was part of the YWCA’s training in this center too, is that one never defines a caller’s experience. If the caller asks whether the experience “qualifies” as sexual assault, we are trained to respond with reflective listening. “I hear you saying that…” followed by repeating what the person has said. It is important that we not be the ones to determine whether something “qualifies” as a particular act or crime because we are not legal experts and we are not taking control of the caller’s story. Some people are not ready to define what happened to them a certain way yet and it is not our job to do this for them. If a caller presses me to weigh in on this matter, I gently repeat that I am not a legal expert, prosecutor, or police officer. I am there to listen, I care about what happened to him, and I want him to decide for himself how he feels about it. It would be extremely inappropriate for me, a non-expert, who is often speaking to a person who is having difficulty deciding what he or she is emotionally able to tell me, to judge the veracity or meaning of a caller’s claims.

    I have responded to multiple male callers who reported having been sexually assaulted or abused. If I had been responding to this student’s question I would have explained that I am not an expert and cannot define his experience for him. However, I hear him saying that —- . I might have repeated back his description of what happened when the woman put her hands down his pants and he said no. “You told me that she put her hands down your pants after you told her no and to stop.”

  • Nathan

    It was an assault.
    He said no. She continued to touch him sexually.
    How is that not an assault?

  • obloodyhell

    1) So, men can just leave drunken women to fend for themselves?

    Yes, unless they’ve explicitly accepted some level of responsibility for their well-being, such as if they were out on a date, rather than having just met at a bar or party.

    2) And when these drunken women have sex with someone, is it still rape?

    For whom? The woman or the guy that she’s raping?

  • Another_so-called_feminist

    I know I’m going to regret jumping into the toxic fray of the comment area, but I just want to say that I am glad to see this vein coming up in the conversation. Recognizing all survivors of sexual assault is important to creating a culture where we respect each other’s sexual autonomy, where our actions and advances aren’t dictated by our currently impossible-to-navigate social norms. Yes, let’s take gender out of the equation, because it’s irrelevant. And I am begging you, please don’t let this devolve into another shouting match of “You uptight bra-burning feminists!” vs “You evil, man-hating misogynistic bastards!”.

    We’re living in a culture that is harmful to everyone, so let’s have a conversation that addresses everyone equally. *steps off soapbox*

  • Amanda Alamprese

    dude this isn’t “under present radical feminist campus rules.” You continuing to think that way is contributing to the problem of gendering the issue.
    Reread and then rethink that whole thing you wasted your time typing.
    “Stripping gender from these conversations is necessary to CONSTRUCTIVE conversation because its presence PROVIDES NO BENEFIT outside of reinforcing a statistical fact that we all should already understand. Gendering these conversations often leads to victim-blaming of women and the demonization of men, which simply divides us on an issue WE ALREADY stand hand-in-hand against.”

  • Amanda Alamprese

    this polarization of the sexes is going to continue if you continue on with the mindset that “this isn’t something I’m allowed to openly talk about.” Talk about the subject of male assault with your buddies! If they start laughing and calling you emasculating names, then you know where your starting point is.
    Eradicating that “don’t be a bitch” attitude will help you guys a LOT about opening up about these things. Women aren’t the ones perpetuating this shitty attitude.

  • NewMHRA

    You’re making assumptions about how others relate to their peers, or what they talk about when they’re together.

  • Linnsey

    That’s horrible.

    You’re being very generous though. The person in question had a complete lack of respect for you as a person and was blatantly attempting to use you against your will. I would call it malicious.
    I’m very glad you wrote this, hopefully it will help prevent similar incidents in the future.

  • Linnsey

    The YWCA only warned him off of hanging out alone with drunk chicks. It’s very good advice to get out of this situation, and for that reason too. When you’re looking after others you need to remember to look after yourself too, and not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

  • Linnsey

    Here, most definitely his kindness is being used against him, and that makes it doubly shameful and manipulative.

    As for the minefield, there are several good ways to handle this situation, but most require a level of self-awareness and confidence that takes previous experience to acquire. He would have needed to recognize what was happening rather than be confused by it, and to have stood up for himself in a way that still allowed him to get her to the door. Delicate social situations like this are hardly limited to gendered interactions though. This could just as well have been a drunk boss yelling racial slurs.

  • Linnsey

    I have gotten many, many drunken men home safely, and pulled them out of fights, prevented them from getting arrested for public urination, and turned them on their side when they passed out.

    Maybe men should be smarter, and assume more responsibility for themselves.

    Nah, who cares? We should all look out for each other, so everyone has a good night.

  • richard40

    I dont beleive in censoring my comments with pc rules. There are plenty of male radical feminists as well, and the push for the radical feminist rules came from Obama/Holder, both men. It is a destructive fascist idealogy, which assaults due process. My comment was just illustrating how truly one sided the radical feminist rules are.

  • Frank411

    Wasn’t the woman on the sexual assault line at the YWCA perpetrating this shitty attitude as well?

    The whole situation for men is just so depressing. Personally, I just don’t see that anybody, man or woman, feminist or MRA, cops or counsellors, actually offers a place for guys to figure their way through situations like Justin’s.

    The MIT campus sexual assault survey just last year found that men who were sexually assaulted by women didn’t trust the campus sex assault office not to victim blame — or worse, like the YWCA woman in Justin’s case. BWOG’s reporting at Columbia turned up an instance where a college woman sexually assaulted (enveloped) a college man there and then threatened to tell authorities he had raped her if he reported the assault. I heard about another situation like Justin’s over Christmas from the son of a friend, back home from Northwestern. He didn’t have anyplace to turn either.

    And we now know from the NIPSVS that men are sexually assaulted nearly as often as women, and in a clear majority of the cases by women.

    And then Laura Dunn of SurvJustice started saying she didn’t believe men could have erections if they were blackout drunk, so we could all stop worrying about that. Which is, biologically, BS.

    It is all just so depressing.

  • Kendall

    Please Joyce,

    When a man is a liar, and abusive, dont marry him after the fact, then have a child that you fail to properly raise, only to later turn around and claim that child somehow failed you. The intellectual sanctity of women is just as important as the intellectual sanctity of men.

    How can you place personal responsibility on others when you so often fail to assume it for yourself?

  • http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com/ Joyce M. Short

    It’s obvious that you’re not aware of brain chemistry in romantic bonds, betrayal bonding, or the makeup of sociopathy. My personal responsibility is to write my story to keep others from falling prey to harm.

    And by the way, I properly raised my child. That’s why even with his pre-dispostion to sociopathy, based on his genetics and his father’s abandonment, he’s not a ghoul. He could have been. I must of done it right.

  • Kendall

    Of course your are blameless, I would expect no other response from an adult child. You did not live your life, others did, you were a robot without choices, a slave. You have no culpability.

    Also was not your father a sociopath? Do you think you inherited none, silly. You blame your bad circumstances on everyone around you. Some how you are the only shard of light, and somehow you attract darkness? Seriously, grow up. If you think your child not being a “ghoul” is somehow an accomplishment, you are truly fooled. IF you still dont understand your failings as a parent, please dp look up “self fulfilling prophecy”.

  • http://www.CADalert.blogspot.com/ Joyce M. Short

    As you hide behind your anonymity and take cheap shots at my character, you are truly displaying your own. I’m done.

  • Kendall

    You build a glass house, then feel hurt when you realise your creation lacks both privacy or integrity?

  • SmashnGrab

    I dunno, he says he consented in order to be chivalrous and get her to her dorm. It sounds to me like what he is saying is that he said no politely a few times and the girl clearly didn’t understand. If his story had included a segment of him literally saying, “you are misunderstanding me. I am walking you home to protect you but I am not interested in having any sort of sexual encounter” and then she forcibly groped him that would be more analogous to a sexual assault. He clearly started the walk home willingly stopping off for cuddles. It is clear he was alternately saying yes and no, thus confusing the girl. His incentive to want to define this as a sexual assault seems misguided and I applaud the counselors who left him feeling flabbergasted. If the roles were reversed, and they often are, a woman wouldn’t be able to claim assault either. I’ve heard women say they’ve agreed to have sex with someone to not hurt his feelings or to get cooperation with something else, but those stories are not followed by, “so, that was an assault, right?” But, his desire to have the discussion is a good one. It would benefit other students to listen to this story and realize the thin line they walk when engaging in drunk, hormonal behavior. This story also is good to show how immature college aged men are that they really are very confused by the discussion of sexual assault and rape.

  • SmashnGrab

    So, he’s actually blaming the sexual assault on his own chivalry. Very interesting. So, would a woman who agrees to have sex with a man because she pities his poor social skills also get to claim rape later? No. There is no way to say yes to sexual advances because you “didn’t want to be seen as not doing the right thing” and them claim later that is the basis of an assault. And, no that does not apply to situations where you would lose your job. That type of thing is completely different, so don’t even try it. This is exactly an example of a false accusation and a great example of how the responders recognized it right away. Also, I strongly believe, a great example of why most young men and women on campus need to attend practical sex education and awareness training.

  • Nathan

    No, I think he’s saying he was trying to be chivalrous, and he was assaulted.
    Post the assault, he didn’t feel comfortable leaving a drunk woman alone.
    It’s funny, women who get pressured into sex or sexual acts are said to have been raped/assaulted due to said pressure, even if they relent and agree.

    But this guy, in the same situation, is a false accuser???

  • matt10023

    What I took away from this is that sexual assault happens all the time, to men and women.

    The author’s point is that zero tolerance leading to expulsion, or even a lesser punishment may not be the right call for all situations and all people. And women very often make a similar decision for many kinds and degrees of assault; It happened, but the “crime” does not fit the prescribed punishment as far as they are concerned.

    Unlike the uncompromising rules of the road advocated by activists (such as drunk sex always means rape), most men and women are far more reasonable and can assess what happened on their own terms. When it crosses a line, they can and do report it. Most of the time, they do not because they don’t think the low thresholds set by the rules always require a punishment. So they deal with it and move on.

  • Solo Atkinson

    This piece appears to be a deliberate provocation.