For your procrastination: five good movies

Okay, I’m going to take a break from the serious fare to bring you my ULTRA-FAVORITE PASSION EVER: movies. If you happen to find yourself on a weekday night and have consciously elected to not think about the essay you should be working on, then, why, you are in luck! Below, my list of favorite movies, curated by my made-up categories.

The best freaking horror movie: “Rosemary’s Baby”
Because my friends are tired of me breaking into hysterics when they suggest the option of watching a horror movie, let me say it here to spare them: Watch it, watch it I say! If you’re looking for a super creepy thriller (She’s carrying the devil’s baby! The devil’s baby!) pick up this Mia Farrow classic. Better than “Human Centipede.”

The ridiculously awesome comedy: “Mars Attacks!”
I would say “Zoolander,” but by now everyone’s seen that. Right? If you’re looking for something a bit off the beaten path, pick up this (intentionally — repeat, intentionally) tacky send-up of the classic alien invasion. Exploding alien brains, grungy Natalie Portman, Sarah Jessica’s head on a chihuahua! Who makes this stuff?!

The subtitled one you should watch: “Mother”
You may have heard that most good Hollywood thrillers are based on Asian predecessors, like “The Departed.” True! Look for your proof in this South Korean psycho-drama about a ruthlessly protective mom whose son is accused of murder. There are subtitles. You will not notice them.

Before M. Night Shyamalan went off the deep end: “Unbreakable”
Everyone’s seen “Signs” and “The Sixth Sense,” but few know about this underrated gem. If you like superhero hero origin stories, Samuel L. Jackson and M. Night Shyamalan B.S. (before sucking), then you will like this.

The romance for people who need perspective for their shitty breakup: “Match Point”
Plot twist! Woody Allen is not just your harmless, neighborhood neurotic: He has a dark side. It’s never better on display than in this ScarJo and Jonathan Rhys Meyers romance turned romance-from-hell, set in the stratosphere of London high society. As they may say there, wicked good. Okay, okay. I don’t know if that’s something they actually say.

About Alex Bayer