“Yo, are you free for some dome tonight?” I read the text and laughed, as if it were a joke. Hell, I thought it was! But no, he was absolutely serious. I knew that I was one of the more sexually experienced freshmen in 2009, but I had no idea that I would receive a text blatantly asking for oral sex. I know we often say chivalry is dead, but this takes it to a whole new level. I, in fact, was not “free for some dome” that night, or any night, sir.

This text flashed my memory back to high school; how had I arrived at this point…

“Your pap smear is abnormal,” my OB-GYN’s voice crackled over the telephone line. It was junior year of high school. I had not even gone all the way yet, and somehow it seemed that I had a common strand of HPV, a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital warts.

“We are going to need to take a biopsy sample of your cervix, to check for cancerous cells,” he said as if he were telling me the current time. It was the most painful, embarrassing and disgusting occurrence of my life. I felt dirty. Thoughts raced through my mind — how would anybody ever love me or want me after this? Thankfully, it turned out to be a false positive, but the shame and horror of this incident was already ingrained in my mind.

After the false alarm in high school, I promised myself that I would not sleep with a guy unless he had been tested. I knew this wasn’t a foolproof plan to avoid STI’s, especially things like HPV that aren’t preventable by condoms, but I figured it would be the safest thing I could do, aside from abstaining, which wasn’t going to happen (cue the water polo player walking to the bathroom in only his towel). How was I, a sexual woman with raging hormones, going to come to a new university, with guys everywhere, and somehow reel in my sex drive? Maybe I didn’t need to reel it in completely, but just educate myself and take the proper precautions.

Since that first week of freshman year, I have not had sex with anybody at Stanford who had not been tested first, and it actually helped weed out some of the worst jerks.

If they expected to get in my pants, I figured they at least had to respect me enough to get tested. I couldn’t force anybody to get tested, of course, but it made sense to me that people would want to protect themselves anyway. On top of that, I knew I would enjoy the sex more if it were safer.

I haven’t had a guy say no yet (knock on wood)! And, aside from ignorant freshman BJ sexter, the guys who have agreed to be tested have been pretty upright men. The shocking part about this is that only one in six guys had ever been tested at Vaden! They didn’t even know how to make an appointment, which is probably the easiest thing in the world.

So how exactly does one work this seemingly ultimate turnoff into conversation? I suppose you could do it anytime, though I probably wouldn’t recommend doing it over a pumpkin spice latte at the new Starbucks as your professor stands behind you, unless your prospective partner is your professor…

For me — and this, unlike a condom, is not a one size fits all — I like to give guys a bit of a taste, a tease, if you will, to show them what they could have. Once it gets to a point past making out and some heavy petting, I say something like “Hey, I would love to take this to the next level, but I don’t sleep with guys until they get tested and I know they are clean.” Then, I try to throw in something sexy, like “Just imagine how much fun we could have…” For all of my past partners out there, sorry for the tease, but I hope it was worth it — I know it was for me!

You can even make a date out of it; you know, go to the movies, get some lunch, get tested, go on a walk. The normal first date, for me at least.

 

Editor’s note: This story was written by the student who is currently the “Tree” of the Stanford Band. The views expressed here do not reflect those of the Stanford Athletic Department, Stanford University or the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. They are the opinions of an undergraduate student who requested some anonymity but allowed The Daily to identify her as a significant campus figure.